Joyful Jardiniere

2009-03-13T02:15:00.001+08:00

You've got great self-confidence and you're full of charm. Most guys who get to know you will be attracted to you. You are far from sweet and proper; your intriguing personality fascinates them. Most guys find it easy to fall for a girl like you.

You really care about other people's feelings and are quite serious about the issues that affect your life. You are sincere, and your concern for the well-being of others makes many people want to be your friend.

You are a bright, cheerful and bubbly person. You are thoughtful and considerate, and like to have fun. Everybody feels comfortable around you because of your pleasant nature. When you walk into a room, people's eyes are likely to be drawn to you because of your charm.

Your peers think of you as a fun person, but sometimes you can be a little irresponsible. You can be somewhat childish, and can try to ignore the fact that you will one day need to really grow up and be a mature adult! Perhaps you could start reading good books; they might help you look at the world in a different light. You do want to be taken seriously, right?

Your boyfriend believes that you are a strong and independent person. Your confidence and cheerfulness make you an attractive person to be around, but sometimes you need to pay more attention to what other people, including your boyfriend, are thinking.

2009-03-13T02:14:00.001+08:00

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.
How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

2009-03-05T03:42:00.002+08:00

Its been a long while since i've not blogged but this strong emotion in me which i have to look for somewhere to voice things out instead of telling anyone, and i though this is my perfect space to yell...

"ERIC I MISS YOU SO MUCH!"

I know i shouldn't have such thoughts but sometimes things are just there so voicing out to an empty space is better then spreading. Yes, it might be unfair to the him by my side now, but at least i'm not doing anything to hurt him... I still love and miss him too.

well, just thought might wanna look for somewhere to scream tt one sentence and i've done so... lets move on =)

Letting go...

2009-01-06T01:56:00.003+08:00

I was just in the mood of packing my room for 2009 and looking through all the letters, notes, momentos and cards that I kept. Listening to the perfect FM Class 95 and reading through these stuff, it was just the perfect combination. And dear, deep from my heart, thank you for giving in to me for so long. Where ever time gonna bring us, if we ever meet again we should really have coffee someday.

I used to read and have happy tears but today as i was reading through and going through all the photos, yes i had have tears as well but there's only one thought, "move on". Regardless of how much memories and good times we have had, there's always something that will be there that cannot be erased. Even so i've learnt that love is suppose to be unconditional not being put down into papers and words.

With these last read, i finally realise that i'm ready to let it all go and dare to love, dare to try, look forward to life and there's always someone out there for me. I may have once been a bitch but had i not been a bitch, i wont have anything to learn from.

You will still be one of my great love, but i'm not gonna be afraid to create more memories.

Promises are just something to keep one calm, even vows can be broken what is promises? Perhaps come think of it what's most important is to have faith and trust between each other to really make things work. And communication will then play an important role.

I hope all these will be really be kept in my head!!

Lastly, Eric we've loved and lost. But losing u made me realise how much i really love u. It's always the losing that makes me realise the things that was hidden behind my clouded vision and this is one thing that i will be keeping in my head about. Taking things for granted has been too much of a bad attitude that i have and it will be changed for the better.

I dont hate u for anything yet i appreiciate that you have once walked through and play a part in my life. I will continue to walk this life and of course be stronger. Friends we shall be even if we can never be together again =)

2008-12-29T15:41:00.002+08:00

Counting down to 2009.

This is the year i'm looking forward to with every single memories, the good and the bad be kept away and creating more memories that I should have. 2008 and every yr before has been kept into boxes and be kept away for good and never to be found.

A new year comes new resolutions, comes new objectives and goals. Though I dont remember mine this year, but trust me i've made more goals in life that i want to achieve then just taking things as it comes and goes.

Of course before the end of the good 2008, here are some people that i truly wish to send my gratitude to.

Thanks Eric, for guiding me for too long and now giving me the room to independent and strength. I've learnt alot with and without you. Without pain, there isn't love. And there's where i know there's actually love between us. But the pain didn't last so is our love. When we were together, I want you to be happy and now that we are not together, I still do want you to be happy as well. And truly i give the both of you my blessings. Maybe years down the road, when we think back about our little chapter of lifes, then we be laughing at how silly we were then maybe we could then catch up for coffee. Our chapter has ended for u and you have started a new one, while I'm writing mine on a different path and I'm very happy writing this chapter on my own. Sometimes things are just too unpredictable that things might never worked out as plans and no matter how many stuff were said that we can do or not do, at the end of the day emotions does all the talkings. Once again, truly, deeply thank you for guiding me for so long, teaching me alot of stuff that will be remembered by.

Thanks David, for that 1 sentence you said to Eric (if its not said by u then i'm even happier to have left) which made me stronger to walk out of this.

Thanks Elaine, for having to cope up with all my constant grumbling and whining and tantrum and talks about my problems yet always so patient to lift me up. Though we hardly talk and meet up, but girl, you play a important role in my life. You're like my aunt agony but i know, i cant depend on you to learn I've to think for myself and work out action and reactions fast before really doing it. I will brace myself and walk this 2008 through.

Thanks Tricia and girls, thanks for always being around the drinking session and making sure that i've been good and watching over me. I'm sorry that i made u girls worried for the longest time and it will never ever happened again. Dont give up on me yet because i know i'm walking back to the right track, so do wait for me till i get there!

Thanks Mum, Dad and Bros, you have been the most supportive familiy ever. Despite the late nights (early i should say since its only after sun rise that i'm at home) and not being home at times sometimes even consecutives night, you still be so understanding and made my my favourite soup. The days will end soon because like i told you, its just a phase where i put myself down and just needed to throw myself into the deep sea to survive. And i survive through and will be way stronger then anybody else.

Thanks for everyone and anyone that has always been there for me as well... Lets just hope 2009 will be a better year!

Till then, next year update again! =)

2008-12-24T05:56:00.003+08:00

HAPPY 22nd BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

Thank you all for your sweetest greeting and regards. Appreciate all as follows in random sequence...

Tricia
Joelle
Ferlyn
Zhong Wei
Benny
Ding Tao
Sebastian
Casey
Emily
Alicia
Elaine
Kalson
Louis
Dennis
Gavin
Jeremy
Spencer
Leo
Nicholas
Eric Tan
Rong Hui
Jose
Zhi Wei
Ah Long
Cavey
Sean
Benjamin
Serene
Peh Keow
Feng Zheng
Amanda
Dylan
Joanna
Angelia
Wilson
Kaisa
Christopher
TJ
Johnson
Juan
KS
Martin
Woon
Eugene
Bob
Kendra
Ling
Nadia
Jasper
Louis
Rellic
Sarah
Kelly
Marie
Sophie
Ian
David
and my dearest family members...

You guys really make my day and a very memorable birthday. I'm kinda lazy to update the pictures here, so if u have facebook, view my birthday celebration pics here!!
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/album.php?aid=89550&id=514566292&ref=mf

LOVE U GUYS!!!

p/s sorry if i miss out any of ur names!! =)

2008-12-15T18:33:00.007+08:00

This entries is just gonna be photos and nothing else! Can't wait for my birthday!!

Do i look alright in short hair? LOL!!

2008-12-12T18:11:00.005+08:00

I just wanted to say and do something...

looks like it has been a longgg time since i posted my pictures... lets have a sneak preview of how i've been recently and defintely more to come!! =D

How do i look?? hee.. this is juz taken on random, more to comeee =D

2008-12-11T06:57:00.002+08:00

Changes...

How much can one change from time to time? does a make over consider a change? does a change in environment consider a change? What about when it comes to being undecisiveness? (is there such word?)

Recently I had so much fun, joy, laughter and some girly time shopping, clubbing, dolling up myself until I forgot about my true self. How much longer will I bring back my old self or i actually forgotten where i left them and became someone else.

I miss my past from time to time, but then again i meet alot more people and see alot more then i could have and I do not regret that.

What till you see me and the changes (lets wait for tricia to upload my photos) then maybe tell me what do you think.

i felt really empty these days. What have i been up to? what have I been doing? I always wanted the kinda life that i used to have with him, but where can i find it now? maybe there are some good catch around me now but are there really good or just out to have fun? I had fun but always going back to an empty space with empty heart not achieving anything good at the end of the day.

I'm lost too, i don't know how to explain and what is all these about. Deep down somewhere i know this is not me and not where i want to be. I expect a drastic change in me, but is this how i should began with or to do?

Not expressive anymore, not being myself. I guess i should just post picture next time round!!

Good night all =)

2008-12-07T14:20:00.002+08:00

Hey guys, just wanna let everyone knows that i'm good and i'm fine. Every thing is getting into places for me, every thing is pretty much going smoothly for me as well and i'm really happy about it!!

My birthday is coming pretty soon and actually i'm pretty much excited abt it this year as compared to any others, because ... ... hmm... I shall keep it a secret and for birthday blog update!

I'm also learning to have selective memory now and its a very good thing i've learnt for the past few weeks. Things that should not b e remember by is best to let it go and of course good things should keep it to heart.

2008-11-21T16:43:00.002+08:00

Been missing for a long time and I've realised that i've changed so much from someone simple and innocent to someone who is trying to be absolutely totally opposite.

I've lost and found, I've tried and learn, I've done it and still trying to learn, I'm still trying for more.

I've always got so much to say but when it comes to words, i dont know how to express anymore. Who's real and who's not? Who's good and who's not? Who's true and who's not? Who's a player and who is not?

Chill... one day i will know =)

2008-11-17T14:46:00.004+08:00

14 Nov 2008 - Marks my last day in AsiaSoft Online. Though i had tonnes of fun, joy and laughter, but we know one day we will still be apart of one another to pursue our better future. I'll still be missing allof you, talk is cheap so i dont think there's a need to say out what are the things i am missing and will miss along the way. You guys will definitely know it and do not forget about me, we may not be colleagues now but we can still be friends... I wish the best for all of you there too...

My Staff Access Card

My messy yet filled with my trophy desk!

My group of guys who helped me along my way raising my 2 "kid" for the past 1 year and still going strong together.

My last pic taken in my favourite spot, toilet...

Last but not least, these are the people whom i enjoyed working together with as a team...

Pictures speaks louder then words, but memories are all heartfelt. Missing you guys now...

I know now that one door has closes, the next door will open soon and i believe i'll be stronger in many ways...

CHEERS!!!

2008-11-13T00:46:00.003+08:00

I stand strong and alone like this lonely lamp with others stood a distance away. Still shining on to others in this lonely path.

Uncover the small alley in Singapore, you will be able to find alot of many interesting shops and places. Walk the street aimlessly and be surprise what this small island can bring. I still love walking aimlessly like WE used to do...

2008-11-11T10:03:00.003+08:00

Feeling bored at work, so here i am doing some mindless and nonsense quiz to understand myself better also to waste time at work. :] Perhaps if there's any better quiz let me know, i'll do too...

1) THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
Shalon, Yan, KPI

2) THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
pokadotz, adelis, dotz

3) THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
My nose, dimples, being petite

4) THREE THINGS YOU DON’T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
Short, lazy, dumb

5) THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
Chinese?

6) THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
Cockroaches, horror movies, being broke

7) THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
Wallet, Keys, Handphone

8) THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING NOW:
Dress, Jacket, watch

9) THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:
Lee hom, May Day, Fan Wei Qi

10) THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS (RIGHT NOW):-
Jack Jackson - Better Together
五月天- 突然好想你
周杰伦 - 说好的幸福呢

11) THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
Feelings, Faithfulness, Reliablity

12) TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE, IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER:
I miss HIM, I like him, I'm in a relationship.

13) THREE THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT WILL APPEAL TO YOU:
Sense of humour, smile, overall presentation

14) THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
Sleeping, walking aimlessly, slacking

15) THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
Hitting the sand bag, Cry, Scream

16) THREE CAREERS YOU’RE CONSIDERING/YOU HAVE CONSIDERED:
Cabin Crew, Housewife, Cafe owner

17) THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
Las Vegas, Europe, Japan

18) THREE NAMES THAT YOU LIKE:
Adelis, Shalon, Allyndia

19) THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
Get married
Have kids
Living a luxurious life

20) THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
Nothing?

21) THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:
Dilemma, soft hearted, curiousity

22) THREE MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE
Mum, Dad, HIM

23) THREE FAVOURITE DRINKS
Pokka Green Tea, FnN Grape, Coke

24) THREE FAVOURITE MOVIES / ACTORS
Jennifer Love Hewitt, Adam Sandler, Jennifer Aniston

25) THREE FAVOURITE FOOD
Beef Chilli Cheese Fries, Fish Slice Soup/noodle,

26) THREE THINGS YOU ARE BEST AT
Imaginative, procrastinating, being conned

27) THREE SPORTS THAT YOU LIKE
Roller Blading, Dancing, Sleeping

28) THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE
Liars, procrastinator, being stupid

29) THREE PLACES YOU SPENT THE MOST TIME AT
My room, Office, Fullerton Bridge

30) THREE ACHIEVEMENTS YOU HAD
What's that? i dont think i have any??

31) THREE BEST FRIENDS
Everyone is my friends, but those who truly knows me are the best.

32) THREE WORDS TO DESCRIBE YOUR FAMILY
Loving, Fun and easy-going...

Damn.. Didnt know such mindless quiz wld actually take up so much time of mine. Looks like i realy dont know about myself and time to work on it. I need to know myself better in order to know someone else right? Anymore quizes to do?

2008-11-10T14:16:00.004+08:00

I've always got so much that has been in me all the while that i wanted to say to HIM, but i don't know where to start, what to say, how to approach him. They have been happy with each other, include being with some common friends that we had and that's what I need to know i guess? That he is happy.

Sorry for whatever i've done that pisses you off. Sorry that i failed to have the initiative. Sorry that i'm no mind reader and sorry that i failed to understand. I guess there's nothing left for you to give? And perhaps actually I've been lying to myself for too long but in actual fact i've lost u really long ago. I really don't know anymore...

Should I be able to voice out one day i will, perhaps get them into notes or when i sit down someday to write them out like i always do.

I've been pretty much confused about my life ever since, and i just hope that things gets better and clearer as i make decision on my own without his guidance from henceforth. I know i have to change in certain ways that i've been and some I guess it should probably just stay with me.

I do hope u found what you always wanted.

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The Bottom Line
Your growing confidence is thrilling people who care about you -- so keep it up!

In Detail
Your growing confidence is thrilling all of the people who have been tired of you putting yourself down, but be very careful not to get too cocky right now. If you want to keep feeding this wonderful wave your ego's riding on, the key is to enjoy it. Take a few risks that require you to have faith in yourself. Accept a challenge you never would have dreamed of tackling just a few months ago. Proving your worth to yourself is more important than bragging about it to others.

Today's friendster horoscopes says... And should i really take the risk with my possible new job? Take a few risk.... hmmmm =)

2008-11-09T03:55:00.010+08:00

I've officially got myself off the leash that has been tying me on this probably almost very hard to work out r/s that I dread wanting. But everything seems to get complicated and harder to understand. I always failed to say the right things, and he always failed to do the correct things or was he actually just not wanting anything?

Anyway, one chapter of my life has just been ended and another chapter begins. =) I've been trying to keep that previous chapter on going for too long and now it's time to let go. New chapters will begin fresh, short, sweet and simple.

I like getting his morning call everyday though he need not wake up that early.
I like receiving his email.
I like receiving his sms-es even if it's just a simple greetings.
I like lying on his shoulder and watch the stars.
I like watching sunrise with him at the oddest place.
I like the way he's so protective about me at clubs.
I like the way he gets so anxious about me when I'm not ard the table.
I like it that he remembers all the single things i had and drink when we're out.
I like it when he bought sweets for me every meetings.
I like it when he pampers me, make me breakfast and dolls.
I like it when he's so particular about minor details when we are out.
I like it when we just sat side by side watching and chatting.
I like it when he accompany me around to take pictures just because I enjoy doing it.
I like it when he's so sweet and nice to me.
I like it when we always have endless conversation when ever and where ever.
I like ...

I hope this could become the last chapter to complete my life. But we always know in a book there's alot of chapters to begin with. Lets just take it as life, take it as it comes, let it go as it goes... Nothing is for sure, even a married couple can divorce. So what can we expect? Life...

The 2nd sunrise to remember

At the end of the day, I still do believe in Faith. Signs. Time not only heals, but also shows the true colour of something. Not only that we love, loved. We have too much to share. Even the little place in our rooms we shared, the bathrooms and publics spots that we ventured. I'll never forget how u look with ur soapy spikey hair and that nerdy look u did for me. =)

Remember our wonderful memories, and i'm not gonna be afriad to make more now.

2008-11-05T16:42:00.003+08:00

Holy Shit!!!

I've land myself in great deep pool of shit. My whole life seems to crumble down and its in a total mess now. I can't handle touchy guy and guy who force themself on me. Of even any other life situation. Anyone teach me how? I can have plans and strategy that makes me know how to handle any situation but in actual happenings, i'm almost nothing, i lost all the courage to do what I'm suppose to do as plan said.

Some things in life is not to be taught but to be learnt through experiences and exposure and thus, i believe this is a good chance for me to venture into it and learn through these shits. I dont know what decision to make, i dont know where to go. But all i know is i have to go. I have to go somewhere to cool my head and start afresh.

zzzz... sleepy...

2008-11-02T16:25:00.004+08:00

One night, while i just got home from my night of drinks, HE text me saying little things such as he has me in his mind now, that he dreamt of a very sweet dreams with me. We were hugging in bed and stuff in spoon position. Indeed it was what i love most abt, snuggling up together and have bed talks till really late at night sometimes even till the sunrise.

And you said "I miss talking to you like that... Mrs Tan. ;-)"

Indeed you are a very smart man that knows how to capture my heart and my weak points. But, like i said it's ex Mrs Tan i suppose? because u have a new identity with a new Mrs White. And with this, my weak point no longer weak. And you told me you didn't come up with that, but well u accepted that new identity which indirectly shows that you've accepted it and by not rejecting offers means you accepted as well. Yes, I'm not you I won't know what you are thinking, what you want. But your sweet gestures and words has got too deep into me that it hurts. Still do but lucky its not as bad, comes and goes in split second.

And by swearing with our love. Nothing happened. You kept your promise. And if there's love where's is it being apart?? But well, it's the secret between the 2 of you, i dont want to know. You know it best yourself, u decides on ur words/action and consequences that will be faced.

I do not love you except because I love you;
I go from loving to not loving you,
From waiting to not waiting for you
My heart moves from cold to fire.

I love you only because it's you the one I love;
I hate you deeply, and hating you
Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you
Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.

Maybe January light will consume
My heart with its cruel
Ray, stealing my key to true calm.

In this part of the story I am the one who
Dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,
Because I love you, Love, in fire and blood.

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Jack Jackson - Better together

There's no combination of words
I could put on the back of a postcard,
No song that I could sing
But I can try for your heart,
Our dreams, and they are made out of real things,
Like a shoebox of photographs,
With sepiatone loving,
Love is the answer
At least for most of the questions in my heart ,
Like why are we here? And where do we go?
And how come it's so hard?
It's not always easy,
And sometimes life can be deceiving,
I'll tell you one thing, its always better when we're together

MMM, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, we'll look at the stars when we're together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, it's always better when we're together

And all of these moments
Just might find their way into my dreams tonight
But I know that they'll be gone,
When the morning light sings
And brings new things,
But tomorrow night you see
That they'll be gone too,
Too many things I have to do,
But if all of these dreams might find their way
Into my day to day scene
I'll be under the impression,
I was somewhere in-between
With only two,
Just me and you
Not so many things we got to do,
Or places we got to be
We'll sit beneath the mango tree now

Yeah, it's always better when we're together
MMM, We're somewhere in-between together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, it's always better when we're together

Mmmmm Mmmmm Mmmmm
I believe in memories
They look so, so pretty when I sleep
Hey now, and when, and when I wake up,
You look so pretty sleeping next to me
But there is not enough time,
And there is no, no song I could sing
And there is no combination of words I could say
But I will still tell you one thing,
We're better together

2008-11-01T16:31:00.008+08:00

Finally had a chance to sit in front of my comp and upload pictures of activities, while i burn my fingers slogging away...

While you're at work why not take a break and smile? Enjoy the working fun!

And this is what i mean fun? Nopre, there's definitely better funn...

A seem like endless walkway - Forest Walk

Why not just take a rest and enjoy the beautiful sight at a lookout point?

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Night Safari can never be this fun and exciting without Halloween, walk through the torture chamber and be tortured mentality, my heart almost dropped and had nightmares...

I need A&E can someone help! Ok crap shot, and of course leaving A&E it's time to go home...
Indeed we had a HELL of a good time :]

I'm off to prepare for my Pasir Ris play silly day and sunrise! anyone nearby wanna join me just buzz me ya ^^

Ciaoz. :]

2008-10-31T14:52:00.003+08:00

A cpl of things in my head that i need to work on. what's my Goals and what i want in life? I realise i've been passing my days as it is and nothing great achieved or planned, just live and move on in life without goals. Time to start thinking...

In short terms, long terms, 5 yrs, 10 yrs, 15 yrs, 20 years?
What is it that I want to achieve Personally and Career wise?
What's my objective?
What and how can I improve and achieve it?
Am I a ambitious person or otherwise?
Gonna start writing them down soon...

*think girl!! noone here to help you, you gotta think yourself... Jiayou!*

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What sorta life would that be in entertainment line? I just got to see it for the first time myself. Met a couple of clubs owners, been to clubs that I've never stepped in before, I probably get to see clubs opening, functions and parties, concerts setup and the show itself, maybe next year I get to go Tesco Port dickson next year. I prob even get to travel alot overseas very frequent, but what sort of accomodation arrangement would be made?

But would this kinda life be what I can handle? I'm too innocent to deal with people... and what to do when it comes to people holding you when u walk? At times i felt quite uncomfortable but at times i'm pretty ok with it. Could this be where i start for interest? Sacrifice a few years, learn the ropes then I'll be good by then?

Meanwhile I can enjoy this kinda prestige life around people, get to know the well to do and such?

Awww... its hard to decide if i should give it a shot man!

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Well, been busy this week going around...

I went Ikea to look around and had the nice ice cream and i'm going go back for more food! -Asshole also took me to the Tree Top Trail too and Henderson wave!! Ok, its at night and the walk way is rather dark so we can't wlak to the Henderson wave, perhaps some other day in the day i'll go, but we manage to go to the forest walk area and look around.. Hohoho.. from starting pt to ending pt would probably take half a day, lets plan for a healthy day to walk there someday. Maybe I can do abit of fats losing then...

Tonight i'm going for halloween party~ and then tomorrow i'm going Pasir Ris Park and play silly and get my sun rise!! I can't wait for it man... Lifes getting upslope for me? everything's gonna be alright ^^

Ciaoz.. I'm gonna go prepare for my day and out i go... =D

Take care peeps and Happy Halloween!! This is my first time going out to party and celebrate halloween too, can't wait ^^

2008-10-28T12:21:00.003+08:00

Why am I so easily swayed by things? Why can't I just be firmed with my decision everytime? Why should we weigh pros and cons everytime before we make a decision or be worried about what's gonna happened after or if the plan backfire?

Where's my shoulder to rely on for comfort and advise? I hate this... I hate panic attack... i hate myself for being so easily swayed by anything especially at this period when i'm so weak. I hate being so weak and vulnerable.

2008-10-27T18:40:00.002+08:00

Never had such a great weekend for a very long while... fulfilling and tiring.. though its outing, drinking, slacking, crapping but its good!

I got to catch sunrise too.. but at town area... not a bad start... i'm gonna get a better one soon! heee...

I realise as the days passed and gets nearer, i get this panic attack, very worried about what am i gonna do after that... Its beginning to scare me.. I'm worried about my future, where i'll be...

*Watch out girl*

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Guess what? I'm trying things that i dont like and of course, sometimes results is unexpected.

I tried on DURIAN PUFF!! And yummy not sure if its the puff that i like or the filling but i always have sweet tongue for puffs.

Next deal, Durian! I wanna go eat durian... heee.. anyone wanna bring me for durian? =D

after durian i'm gonna try soursop! perhaps i can do it concurrently or whichever comes first!

2008-10-25T03:55:00.003+08:00

Was having a little drinking session with some friends and random strangers... Of course i got a little unstable, but manage to get myself to walk out of the place and after freshening up now still feeling a little high better then earlier, i decided to just vent it out then soaking them in me.

There's a couple of time i took out my handphone and unknowingly entered his number, wanted to ask him to pick me up like the usual, but then i realise he's not here anymore and this has already been for quite some time. Why did I still feel as though it was just yesterday when we were still having our little bed talks and hugs?

I deleted the msges and get back to where i suppose to be with a smile that i know was just a mask that i wear in front of everyone. I told myself "Shalon, no you cannot msg him, you cannot..." repeatitively going through this in my head. instead of msging and shouting it out. I guess it wasn't a bad move done at least i know i'm growing. I've learnt to control, i've learnt...

I questioned, What will happen if I msg him? Will there be any response? If there is, what will be his response? What will happen if he's here? What will happen to them? What will happen? Outcome, actions, consequences, all going through my head like endless QnA.

After looking at the post date, i think it was a good thing i didn't message anything. I didn't degrade myself to a lowly point of useless person who doesn't help themself but being pathetic. Though being like a drunkard and feeling clumsy being around anywhere is already a bad thing, but it has been very long while since i drank. Once inawhile won't hurt.

A good pat for myself once again.

Way to go girl... Soon there will be tougher obstacle ahead before you even know it...

2008-10-23T11:23:00.001+08:00

五月天 - 你不是真正的快乐

人群中哭著你只想变成透明的颜色
你再也不会梦或痛或心动了
你已经决定了你已经决定了
你静静忍著紧紧把昨天在拳心握著
而回忆越是甜就是越伤人了
越是在手心留下
密密麻麻深深浅浅的刀割
你不是真正的快乐
你的笑只是你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂关在永远锁上的躯壳
这世界笑了於是你合群的一起笑了
当生存是规则不是你的选择
於是你含著眼泪
飘飘荡荡跌跌撞撞的走著
你不是真正的快乐
你的笑只是你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂关在永远锁上的躯壳
你不是真正的快乐
你的伤从不肯完全的愈合
我站在你左侧却像隔著银河
难道就真的抱著遗憾一直到老了然后才后悔著
你值得真正的快乐
你应该脱下你穿的保护色
为什麼失去了还要被惩罚呢
能不能就让悲伤全部
结束在此刻重新开始活著

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“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.”

2008-10-21T21:48:00.008+08:00

I am the world most foolish and stupid girl on earth!! Can you find someone else as dumb as me? Do let me know...

Won't talk about it but I guess its time for me to stop holding back and take and give every chance I get along the way. For he crushed and throw bits and pieces of hopes i held down to the Straits of Johor.

And for every wrong hope that was given by you all, yes it hurts but it’s just me being too dumb to trust and believe in people like you. Thinking too much into it while all of you are just out to have fun. Oh great. Now it makes me feel like totally idiot. Thanks to wolf in sheep skins man like you and to the stupid and useless brain I have for losing everything that I had, even the last bit. Of course after being so negative and pissed, I’m going to be positive.

When one door closes, another will open. Very well, this phase marks a new start or should 2009 be my new start? Well, better start early... So time to work on myself and my new life.

Pardon all my angers and frustrations. =)

I have no control to those situations, but i can control my reaction and not feel shitty about it right? So yea... react to it in a nicer way dear... I am and will be happy for them for they found peace and comfort with their partners. It will make me happier and have a better day instead of being affected, cursing and swearing like i just did. So yes... I love his quotes,

"Smile. Even in storm. SMILE."

P.S. I'm not talking about anyone particular here, so please don’t think that I’m referring to you, you or you ok? ^^

2008-10-21T09:42:00.004+08:00

Ok, as promised to the -Asshole (He prefers me calling him asshole then jerk, so yup…) I’m going to blog about him because he kept his promises bringing me around, so I’m keeping mine to him.

Initially we went to Farm mart wanting to eat chicken wings… but there’s like nothing much to eat there so we left. And he said they probably sold out all the chicken wings they had. 1 chicken only has 2 wings, probably they didn’t order a lot of chicken so there isn’t much chicken wings available… okay… that’s his crap.

We also went somewhere (shyt, I’ve got a little short term memory, can’t remember the road name now!) a couple of places that has really nice view of JB. You should see the lights across Singapore, pretty… I love it! I want to go back there again this time I’m going to take out my camera and cam-whore for awhile.

Well, sometimes we don’t have to say things clear. Bits and pieces make it whole. Memories stay better then words. Overall, had a pretty good day and laughter with him… That’s all is needed to be mentioned.

Thanks for bringing me around... I wanna go again!! this time for more pics and chill...

Okay... I kept my promise to blog about you! I didn't lie... haha!! STOP CALLING ME GOLD MINE, u asshole!! LOL..

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I was a little affected by some stuff that happened and pretty much swing my mind for awhile. But then when i stood back up, its over... Yes a good start for not being swung around by his actions and their activities for a very long while.

Hope u have an exciting honeymoon in Genting and KL! Be safe!! *ahem* safe... heee...

YEEE HAAA!!! I'm doing very well as time goes by... Sometimes its not that hard to move on, just have a little faith in myself and everything will be good. Right dears? Live life to the fullest like there's no tomorrow!

2008-10-20T14:30:00.007+08:00

Ain't this baby boy adorable? I totally in love with babies now... seriously.. i dont know why but i can't wait to have a cpl that i call my own, running up to me calling me mummy! falling asleep in my arms... awww...

When can i have my own lil sweet love? *shrugz*... Not in a long while i guess... finance comes first...

On a side note.. Thanks everyone for being around for me... Some decisions are hard to make but yup.. done.. Thanks for standing and will be standing alongside with me... I'm looking forward to my next phase of life.. ^^

[If you are really still keeping those promises.. Well, please dont disappoint me with whatever u are doing...]

2008-10-18T05:57:00.002+08:00

It's almost 6am in the morning and i've yet to catch a slp since 8am yesterday... today wasn't such a good and smooth day afterall... But a very emotional and filled with upset stuff...

First sigh of the day...
My medical appointment, i would probably have to go for Gastroscopy and Andoscopy soon. Doctor is gonna wait for my blood test result and call me next week for update..

Second sigh of the day...
Stressful and demoralising discussion, after this I really felt like there's nowhere I can go in due time. I need new directions again I guess. Sometimes it felt really tough to be thinking and making decision on my own not having someone around to discuss and advice and support me with whatever decision made.

Third sigh of the day...
Heartache... shall just cut this short.

Fourth sign of the day...

Well, i guess it's not really important... what's most important is the outcome and what will I do from here... Jia you bah... This road is really a challenge for me... Emotionally wreck now...

2008-10-16T10:44:00.006+08:00

I've finally done it... I dont know why it took me so long, but well late better than never right? Just hope and pray I will be able to see the new doors open for me as the one behind me closes.

It wasn't much an easy step, I'm feeling rather despair and uneasy now actually... Oh well, then again I have to start moving from somewhere and this is the somewhere to start.

Let me walk this through... I'll have to go down the mountain in order to climb the next mountain!

"Smile. Even in storms, SMILE."

2008-10-13T00:48:00.011+08:00

As promised the nice view from his place rooftop... Where else can you get such nice views in Singapore? Let me know... I'm interested!

My favourite views...

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It was a nice trip to Melacca, a fruitful one not just in a sense of fun but in a sense of getting to speak and listen and learn new stuff, talk more about it later... Simple photos took, not really into capturing photos because most of the time i'm actually in daze reflecting what's said and working on myself...

Random stuff...

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"I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand."

Someone told me and things i thought of in random...

人生无常，受了伤才会懂得珍惜与坚强。
不是每一个人都能让你受伤，但能让你受伤的人是你最在乎的人，让你受伤是因为他要磨练你，让你变得坚强，懂事。认真看待，认真学习，有一天他一定能看到你的变化，你也会变得更勇敢。

Patience and Faith is what we need to believe in life. And because we believe, one day we will be rewarded by the unexpected.

有了慈悲之心，就能有包容，宽容的心去看身边的一切。把事情看的渺小，慢慢就能看不到它的存在，慢慢就能忘记。

人身就像爬山，上山下山，有起有落。如果没上山那么如何能下山呢？

用心去感觉，去聆听，去相信。其实每件事都很简单，没我想得那么复杂。

等待的过程比宣判还来的辛苦，日子更难过。

从认识你，和你在一起的日子是甜蜜的。分开是痛苦的，等待是煎熬的，现实斯残酷的。

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Everything said and learnt will be put into my head constantly and made it a reminder in my notebook.

Time to go to bed now... Good nite all. ^^

2008-10-11T02:41:00.000+08:00

Spontaneous trips, outing and exploring places is what I’m doing lately. Well, actually I’ve always been interested to try and explore, just that I didn’t had to chance to express in the right way and had this sort of fun.

Nevertheless, not to have more regrets in life, I’ve agreed to go on a Malacca trip. Will be setting off in the early morning in just a couple of hours, I’m not sure if I want to catch a wink so here I am blogging since I’m just back from BBQ and try to waste some time while I clear my head to enjoy my trip later.

Went to the rooftop for an eye opener, there’s a very nice bird eye view of town, CBD and marina area with great flyers view, the sea and the revamped Big Splash area view is nice. If only I can stay there longer, enjoy the breeze and scenic view, I would have stayed there the whole night just sitting there and reflecting. I’m too lazy to transfer the pictures now to show, I’ll do them together with the Malacca trip photos! Wait for the next post if you want to see…

On a side note, I haven’t been smoking for more then a week! *pat my head, Good girl! I’m proud of myself*. Though I’m not a smoker in the first place but I guess I still do deserve this pat for being determined to be real me, not the one that I fear becoming through this self destruction and transition phase. Fear becoming someone that I don’t even recognize or like. I see this as my first step into moving on right, moving on well. I did well so far on my first step, and its time I move on with my second step. Lets see I’ll be able to do as well in my second step.

Its 3.30am now, I better get some rest before I feel lethargic instead of being energetic to enjoy the trip.

Good night everyone! Miss me while i'm away…

2008-10-10T13:22:00.006+08:00

"Change your usual routine, take a detour... sometimes the results will be better."

I'm seriously putting myself at the losing end doing things that i shouldn't have. I didn't meant for this to happen. Sometimes i thought i just didn't want to regret any further, so i insisted my way. But end up i realise i shouldn't have when it was already too late. I've walked too fast and very impatient. I now realise i'm forcing myself to move fast so i could catch up with HIM. But he's actually walking very slowly. Guess i'm breatheless now and its better for me to slow down my footstep before i die and enjoy the scenery around. Take a breather. Focus on what i am suppose to focus most importantly that will break the ugliness.

I will be strong, i will move on. I will learn to be happy for you (Loving also means letting go right? And wanting the best for the one i love? Sacrificing... This is what i learnt and see recently... Tell me if i'm wrong...). I will learn to appreciate and make sure my unfreeze agenda will be met and freeze them soon, so the next one will enjoy my company better.

Thanks everyone for being around me showing me directions and clearing my doubts for so long... I will not disappoint all of you. I will be a better person, think and act not talk and talk. You will see it...

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As i was talking about changes, i'm actually trying to keep long hair (yea, heard me, long hair because i think i prefer long hair then short and i look better in long...) And of course i wanna keep long hair because i want to try perming. Haha... Hope i will turn out fine. Targetted perming date... March 09, start saving now!

In the process of keeping long hair, i am not going to saloon for a very long time, so of course it is looking a little out of shape la... And i was thinking recently, Hair down or hair up??

Give me some feedback on my tagboard or MSN, which is nicer? ANYONE AND EVERYONE is welcome. ^^

*BOW* Thank you!

2008-10-07T16:33:00.011+08:00

A rejuvenating weekend at Malaysia Port Dickson... Needed this before all my emotions, faith and hopes are burnt into ashes... Totally enjoyed myself relaxing and great pictures by Mr. Photographer... LOL...

[wish you were here...]

2008-10-04T02:08:00.005+08:00

I'm ready to burn my extra time for money! Part time job count me in! Earn as much as i can now and enjoy life next time!!!

I'm going Malaysia later in a couple of hours time! Can't wait to go and explore... Hee.. Camera charged, bag packed, feelings of excitement ready! Hohoho... Shopping mall ready for me! Will be back on Sunday night... Meanwhile miss me ya?

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The more important your Cheese is to you, the more you want to hold on to it. But when will you know its time to let go?

The Quicker you let go of Old Cheese, the sooner you find New Cheese. So Hem or Haw? What would you do if you weren't afraid?

What is the Old Cheese and What is the New Cheese? What am I and how did i understand from this? Is all question mark...

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When you really love someone, will you want them to be with you or will you let them go? Knowing very much that you will want your love to have the best, do you really know what's best for them or are you just assuming what you are/will be doing will allow them to have what best for them? How about what's best for you?

2008-10-01T23:57:00.001+08:00

Yet another budget month for me. I've got so much to buy and do, but budget contrain is toturing me. In order to achieve having some money to start saving with, i budget myself with a weekly allowance only! CONTROL !!!

Why i'm so tight? Because i bough a beauty package, yes bimbo me.. well, it can last me for sometime while i save slowly though... =)

Tues lunch at ASTON was good... nice! (Ok, I should start talking about food like expert as times goes by if I can) IBC Root beer for the win =D and I had Grill fish with herbs! Gonna go back for other stuff on menu!

Dinner at Wong Kok Char Chan Teng, food and drinks is really nice! I'm gonna go there again! Yummilicious!

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I'm a Happy Girl today though on tight pocket! Gachapon is really addictive! I'm addicted and going for more... Have I not have this determination to save i would probably burn 2 weeks or more allowance that i set for myself on Gacha! *Slow down on it girl*

I've got the MapleStory Gacha Full Set! Someone spent alot and has already collected almost 3 set but without the Yeti-Pepe ones, and he only got it after sometime. Me? I'm lucky enough to get it on my 3rd tries! HAHAHA!! and I've got my Full SET!! Yippee!!

My proud MapleStory Gacha Collection!

Of course I didn't stop there, this Mario Mushroom Gacha caught my attention more then the other machine and itchy itchy hand wanting the red mushroom more then any others, i burnt my fingers here! and finally got it after so many tries, its not a full collection still missing 2 from the set. Gonna go get it next week or end of week if there's still left over allowance!

My Mario Squeezey Mushrooms Collection!

Can you image how 'big' this is on my palm? Hee.. i've got a small hand ok! So it isn't that big la...

This is the 2 full set preview! I'm still missing 2 items for the Mario collection (Please see the gacha machine display image and you will know which 2 is missing) and have the Full set of MapleStory! *proud yet feeling the burnt in my pocket*

And this is the 2 machines that makes me broke! haha!!

P.S. I still have another set of Mario Super Bro Set to collect! And some other cuties there! I will be back!!!!!

2008-10-01T03:00:00.007+08:00

Emotions is another thing that is suffocating me now, how am i suppose to work the right things out? what is right?

Somethings to reflect and think why is he doing so?

What is it that I dont have?
What is it in there that he needs?
Why despite all these loves and emotions he still choose to move on?
What is he sacrificing if anything were to happen?
Why am i choosen to be sacrifice?
Why is it so hard to leave things before it gets worst?
What is it that he is struggling with to multi task and work solutions out?

Let me weigh both side using the balance skill and then i guess i will know how to answer some of my questions that has been bothering me and probably will work out a solution on my own to put this suffering to an end (Be it good or bad) I hope? But what is it that HE actually wants? Even if I decides on something, it will takes 2 to clap in order to work something out right?

When will all officially has a halt to it? I know i have to be patient to see results, to see an outcome. I know i should have faith to believe that the possibility exists. I will try to use the last bit of strength I have for now before it burns empty...

Drink with me...

2008-09-29T10:04:00.006+08:00

Drink to me only with thine eyes,
And I will pledge with mine.
Or leave a kiss but in the cup,
And I'll not look for wine.
- Quoted from someone

"Love is never wanting to lose faith, never wanting to give up, and never truly moving on. Love is knowing and praying in the deepest part of what's left of your heart that they feel the same. "

One night and a drink to remember by...

2008-09-27T12:36:00.003+08:00

This is a walkway i once took... was walking past after so man years, just thought some stuff that has already been long left behind can just be captured as memories for a little bit of reminisence.

*shrugs* just another emotional day for me... Just hope everything goes well...

2008-09-26T17:58:00.001+08:00

You are Judgement

Happiness, Content, Joy.

Judgment is related to the Hebrew letter Shin, which is fiery and spiritual. A break from the past, going forward.

With Fire as its ruling element, Judgement is about rebirth or ressurection. The idea of Judgement day is that the dead rise, their sins are forgiven, and they move onto heaven. The Judgement card is similar, it asks the resurrection to summon the past, forgive it, and let it go. There are wounds from the past that we never let heal, sins we've committed that we refuse to forgive, bad habits we haven't the courage to lose. Judgement advises us to finally face these, recognize that the past is past, and put them to rest, absolutely and irrevocably. This is also a card of healing, quite literally from an accident or illness, as well as a card signaling great transformation, renewal, change.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

2008-09-26T12:13:00.002+08:00

I suppose to be on hiatus from Friendster, but not sure why something just struck me to log in and read my horoscope. And here's what it says...

The Bottom Line
Not only is it a good detail-planning day for you, it's a day full of inspiration.

In Detail
If you are feeling a bit stuck in a rut in your life right now, this is a wonderful day to figure your way out of it! Not only is it a good detail planning day for you, it's a day full of inspiration and odd ideas that will make you think. Your usual way of looking at things is changing, and you are starting to see that there are many different ways of accomplishing your goals. You're no longer tied to the tried and true methods, because tried and true usually discourages anything exciting.

True to a certain extend because i've been working my head since the moment i wake up reading a msg over and over, thinking and finding solutions and planning about what I want in life, what's my expectation... and i'm still thinking! I've been sulking and whining for too long with no actions, nobody can help me but myself and whining and sulking all the time doesn't work... Actions do!

*Jia you girl, u can do it*

One Month

2008-09-25T10:23:00.004+08:00

To HIM,

So much to ask, to say, yet no words came out... I guess i know why and you knew it too.

2008-09-23T14:49:00.004+08:00

suddenly i'm feeling empty... i can feel my tear glands working. Is this suppose to be it? Am i suppose to do something to stop all this, to conclude every single details here? Am i suppose to? Can i? Is this the time i shld call it an end? Am i suppose to push away people that care or give them a chance to be part of me? Can i annouce it to the world? Can i really do it?

I'm like stranded by my own emotion not sure what i should do, i cant even move on properly not knowing exactly if i should, if i can, if i want to. Or perhaps i'm just not sure if this is what he wants, how he wants to conclude us.

I felt that i will only know what to do when i have his, know his, understand it and i will be able to get mine.

so what's his?

2008-09-22T14:56:00.004+08:00

Bla bla bla bla bla...

I'm all lost for words...

This post is redundant...

I'm stuck at the crossroad once again, what am i suppose to do? Wait and listen of just move forward?

I hate crossroads, i hate decision, i hate to struggle, I hate THIS!

2008-09-17T09:24:00.005+08:00

What on EARTH am I thinking and doing. Is that really Shalon that typed those messages and sent to HIM? Its really unbelievable and very unexpected to happen. there's this part of me wanting to reconcile but there's another part of me knows that i dont want this selfish him.

So what now? plus i dont think i can accept a selfish partner. it just all sum up to IT SUCKS, i'm sucha stupid girl that get "eaten" up bullied, pushed ard all the time, listening to others demand and surrender to things that i dont like.

fucked up world, i hate feeling all these and why must thr be knowledge, be words, be smart and stupid ppl, be adam and eve. I'm breaking down again...

*hold it girl hold it, u will be able to get past it soon*

I know i will and i can, because i just need to stay happy.

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Fav song in MAMMA MIA. Every songs sang just goes so well in the show and matched the scenario and emotions. LOL... sweet ending though... =D

I don't wanna talk
About things we've gone through
Though it's hurting me, now it's history
I've played all my cards
And that's what you've done too
Nothing more to say, no more ace to play

The winner takes it all
The loser's standing small
Beside the victory, that's her destiny

I was in your arms
Thinking I belonged there
I figured it made sense building me a fence
Building me a home
Thinking I'd be strong there
But I was a fool playing by the rules

The gods may throw a dice
Their minds as cold as ice
And someone way down here
Loses someone dear

The winner takes it all (takes it all)
The loser has to fall (has to fall)
It's simple and it's plain
Why should I complain

But tell me does she kiss
Like I used to kiss you
Does it feel the same
When she calls your name
Somewhere deep inside
You must know I miss you
But what can I say, rules must be obeyed

The judges will decide (will decide)
The likes of me abide (me abide)
Spectators of the show, always staying low
The game is on again (on again)
A lover or a friend (or a friend)
A big thing or a small (big or small)
The winner takes it all (takes it all)

I don't wanna talk if it makes you feel sad
And I understand
You've come to shake my hand
I apologize if it makes you feel bad
Seeing me so tense, no self-confidence
But you see

The winner takes it all
The winner takes it all

So the winner takes it all
And the the loser has to fall
Throw a dice, cold as ice
Way down here, someone dear
Takes it all, has to fall....

2008-09-16T23:37:00.004+08:00

MAMMA MIA!!
I love the show ^^
watch it!

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Well, the meeting was indeed fine and well... But the scary part is having a group discussion PLUS written test. OMG! it's really scary but brand new experience. Both of them said to get back to me by this week. And i hope it really happens because i really needed them. Though is 2 different scope and i prefer the 2nd one. But oh well, i really dont know what's gonna happen now.

Even if everything is well planned it might not work out that way right?

praying and hoping right now! awaits good news then sending out the bad news =b

Motorshow 2008

2008-09-15T11:00:00.003+08:00

Singapore Motorshow 2008 unveils.

Babes, Cars, and more babes... adreline rush.. woo hoo.. Anyone interested to go with me? Actually I also dunno go for what since its a guy thing too look at girls and the superb geared up motors on 4 wheels.. LOL.. oh well, I look at girls too so I should be there... haha =)

On a side note, I'm very excited and at the same time nervous about tomorrow's meeting. Hopefully everything will go smoothly and I can clinch the deal! Everyone pray for me ok? Its a life turning point for me.

Well, realise i have quite alot of things on my desk, hmm... how should i go about clearing these mess? Hohoho.. anyone wanna give me a ride when i clear this mess? Cab fare is expensiveeeeeeeeee! msg me if you are available to let me hitch a ride, I'll buy u a simple meal. =D

2008-09-14T12:56:00.005+08:00

Yesterday went to Edwin's Birthday celebration. Host is always busy entertaining guest, while the guest are usually bored not knowing what to do or just waiting around for the time to passed. I shall take note of this so i can make sure my birthday parties goes well and enjoyable for all!

While i'm bored, i cam whore! and this picture is my favorite now!

I think i look pretty fine in this pic. don't I? LOL...

Today is Mid-Autumn Festival and its right up full moon. Thinking back, it has been a year since we first broke up. Aww, i hate this feeling. *burst the thought bubble*

Yup, will be meeting some random new friends later for a walk, perhaps psycho them to Chinese Garden to take a walk as well... there's some stuff going on.

Each day is a brand new day to explore, to look forward to. and i'm definitely looking forward for a healthier and open mind =D

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I'm looking forward to some activities to be done after i get my pay and the next pay. Looking for Kakis to go together, please send me a note so we can arrange together. ANYONE is welcome =D

I want

To try the DHL Hot Air Balloon [Closing on 30 Sept, anyone wants to go? msg me fast]
To go on the Singapore Flyers for the first time!
To go to sentosa and explore and have fun like a tourist
To spend a night at Sentosa resort
To walk the Tree Top Trail [Not sure where to start, will find out]
To drink cheap beer at odd hours exploring Dempsey Road
To try all the different dining places and cuisine
To try the roller coaster rides
To go for Reverse Bungee
To take the Cable Car ride
To watch the Sunrise from East Coast at sunset from West Coast Park
To go to Pasir Ris Park and West Coast Park Playground and play silly
To go Prawning
To bake cupcakes and muffins
To make new scrap books of memories
To go Roller blade till my leg hurts and cramp and lie silly on the beach
To do many many many things and experience many many funs and laughter.

=D

Lovely Friday

2008-09-13T03:17:00.006+08:00

Random office fun today, start loving to take pics using my camera. Perhaps i enjoys random bits of memories, and my fun loving colleagues always make my day...

There's always a very limited time to these fun, enjoy while you can have it ^^

As i mentioned i'm starting to love taking pictures, i'm starting to love cam whoring... haha...

These 2 photos is only choosen 2 from the many others! haha... loving my camera. More funs upcoming as this will be a busy week with all the outing and meet ups!

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Not forgetting, manfred birthday as well...

The act cute boy

The pretty and cute mei mei

Together with Birthday boy

lastly, my dearest first kiss to a girl

Indeed picture speaks a thousand words... =)

2008-09-11T11:45:00.005+08:00

Ouch.. i'm prone to injury on my hands these days...

I've got this bad habit of "plucking" my right index fingers when i'm feeling emotional down or feeling frustrated. After awhile of doing so, i got a blister! Burst it and gone leaving w dead cells now, not hurting i dont know why...

today i injured my left hand index fingers cutting myself. Ouch.. the skin flipped not a big cut but it hurts =(

My left hand cut... *it hurts now - Saturday*

crazy girl here. i wonder whr will i injured next.

P/S i didn't injured myself on purpose, these are all coincidental accident okie!

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Decisions decisions decisions...

I've got alot of decisions to make but some are better to keep mum about, and so decisions decisions. Make up my mind time. Once a woman made her mind, its always hard to change. Lets see if these decision will be leaving me in a better life with new milestones or regret not treasuring the old.

FIRST step to one of my decisions. lady luck where are you? Come to me soon before i can take the next step to my next decision! =D

*smile* For whatever along the way.

2008-09-10T17:06:00.006+08:00

Random pictures over the past few weeks...

2008-09-09T15:44:00.003+08:00

How often are we struggling in life? Be it through suffocation, work, studies, relationship, friends, etc… How often are we struggling to live?

Put your hand to squeeze your nose, how long can u tolerate and bear with it before u start struggling for air to breathe? Everyone has that something that they are tolerating and bearing with it till they breaks and struggle free. What is it for you?

For me, I think there are a couple of things that’s suffocating me right now.

First and foremost is my work. I know that I shouldn’t be lazing at this comfort zone of my current office being one slacker, not doing anything and not trying hard to find a job. I’m struggling to find another job and break free too. But can anyone really understand how I’m feeling to find a really good offer before I go rather then just keep forcing me to leave now? Now that I’m really suffocated by the eyes on me, I’m struggling to break free and leave ASAP to accept any offer that is given next. I’m doing so because I need a new environment to release myself from the second suffering on my list – past relationship.

We took different route and now we each have different milestones to look at. We don’t see things on the same level. I need a brand new environment where no one knows about my past, no one to continue questioning me about him, no one to constantly remind of his existence that was once here. A new life that I should have. I’m struggling to smile to people who are still asking me about him, they should re-direct these question to somewhere else actually. But I can only hope they sense the uncomfortable in my short response and stop asking me, because I don’t know about him anymore. Not that I know how is he now? What is he doing now? Did he became fatter or skinner? When are we getting married? I no longer have an answer to all these questions. So a new life I’m looking for.

I’m also struggling financially; being too spendthrift and buying things on impulse has made me a very poor girl in debt this month and next. I should have considered twice or thrice before buying my new toy because at the end of the day, money do wonders. I should have taken a longer time to save before making this purchase. Then again, there’s nothing to blame because I’m enjoying with this little gadget in my pocket. I just have to control my spending for this 2 months and I should be able to get out of this struggle soon.

I’m sure everyone is struggling over something at this point of the time, but I doubt anyone can really define all the struggles. I’m sure I’ve more on the list, it doesn’t really matter. Because all these struggles will never stop, there will be issues after issues.

So while u start to struggle, think life’s too short to fret. There’s always a way to work things right.

=)

2008-09-08T10:24:00.005+08:00

I’ve got a lot of very random thoughts today taking time off Monday blues and work to reflect and then here to give crappy long speech and grumble in this post. If you find it too long and its going to be boring then don’t continue reading. But if it helps u at the end of the day through my experience, it’s really something to learn from me. Don’t take my footstep. As the wise man saying, “Learn from your own mistakes.” But the wiser man says, “Learn from others mistakes.” It will be too late if you learn from your own, so why not learn from others and your mistake will soon be corrected and you won’t even realize it.

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“Your world doesn’t revolve around me. Even if u stood still not wanting anything else, I will not. I will still continue to walk and likewise the world will continue to revolve and doesn’t stop for you.”

Can u expect this to come out of me? I gave a piece of my mind to someone who are like taking me as his centre of the world and are doing more silly things then I can do. Committed suicide by cutting his wrist, being more pathetic then I am. I thought I was already very pathetic and helpless, but he’s worst than I am and even committed suicide. For a moment when I scolded him I woke up to my sense that I felt so proud about myself being able to speak such logic to others. I always thought I can only hear this from people but then this is coming out from me. It was really shocking. But I felt bad about this, about him. There’s a sense of guilt in me for creating this mess for being playful and seeking for some fun for venting. But then, I don’t think I want to continue or leading him any further, guess leaving him alone now is the best choice.

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How many U-turns in life do we take? How many of these U-turn made is really worth taking? Do you even know which path is actually a detour route? Why do human at times make these U-turn yet decided to make a U-turn back again? Isn’t going round confusing? I don’t know much about U-turns but I’ve always kept thinking that this U-turn to HIM is worth taking and making and is something that I should. Now I’m at the crossroad once again. Absolutely lost now and couldn’t think much about this now, because the answer is already thrown straight at my face. I don’t know how to handle it, can’t do it well. I need a new environment and new distraction yet again.

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He’s so right about me. I will only treasure and work for something when I’ve lost it. But this time, I know I’m losing it for real and for the better. You need to be scared, to be strong. BUT you must really learn to be else you will still be in that fear and it’s going to be very useless. And I guess this is really me. Because I simmered down the minute I know I’ve lost it. Thinking back, I once almost lost Elaine due to my selfishness for my own benefit and happiness and neglecting her. And all in all, she gave me a piece of her mind and I came to senses.

Human is selfish, I finally understood what this means through him. I’m selfish too actually and importantly stubborn. I’ve stood by too long to wanting to move despite all the pushing, living in denial and also refuses to listen. I’m selfish not giving room and suffocated them too much. Even Elaine, even Tricia, I think I’ve been selfish towards them constantly making them listening to me but when did I really gave them my listening ears? Sorry dears, I don’t mean to suffocate you guys this way, but now that I know, anytime (I mean anytime) when you need my ears, I will give it to you. I might not give the best advise or say the right thing but I guess at least I can be there as a shoulder, a pillar of support till I’ve grown stronger and smarter (if it ever happens).

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The quicksand survival logic is the more u struggle, the deeper you sink and obviously, the more chances of coming out alive are lessened. You should not let anger overtake rational decisions like wise using the boiling water logic.

“Before the water boil, you let it simmer.
Before you touch the hot pot, you have to let it cool.”

Boiling water, we were both once but I simmered first. I’m boiling this time not knowing why or how, while he has already simmered down. I need some cool down time to re-consider and re-work my goals now as I already got his.

I’m now at a crossroad once again and this is my opportunity to make the most important decision I will ever make. He has already made his, and I know it. It’s now my turn to. Forget my past. Who am I now? Who have I decided I really am now? Don’t think about who I have been. Who am I now? Who have I decided to become? Make this decision consciously. Make it carefully. Make it powerfully.

SO what were my goals then? And what are my goals now? I guess the following learning will slowly define my goals again.

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Unfreeze -> Change -> Refreeze
Meaning, u are at this state where u have to undo whatever you are doing wrong, change it and freeze it back so you can never go wrong.

“Always look for ways to make things work.”

Things to stay freeze:
1. Pillar of friends that I have
They have always been around and I don’t think its right to ditch or dump anyone of them because of their nature of personalities. If they didn’t want to help themselves no one will. But as a pillar as a listening ears as a friend I will still be.

2. Dressing up
I think it’s always to look nice and good and presentable to anyone even when you are with someone. I’ve been looking ugly in specs and tees and jeans for too long and not presentable. Looking good once in awhile is flattering. And I’m going to keep it this way for a smiley me and a happy me.

3. Certain goals
I still have things that I want to accomplish and because of my spendthrift habits I didn’t make it. And not this spendthrift habits will go right to the unfreeze zone. I’m still going to want my driving license, education be it just simple courses for self-improvement, culinary skills especially baking.

Things to unfreeze:
1. Spendthrift habits to saving habits
So much for venting and therapies, these should be cut down lots, even cabs, shopping for unnecessary items. Determined to start saving, even though it’s going to be a small amount but one day these values will grow as long as I do something about it.

2. Pessimistic mentality
I know that if I continue being this pessimistic me I will go crazy very soon like how I already have been for a very long while. Life’s too short to fret. Always look on the brighter side. Enjoy the ice cream while is on my plate. Being chirpy might not be achieved in one day, but it will be gradually like how I have been smiling gradually.

3. My health
I have a lot to do about my health due to the past medical record of cancer. There’s not to hide, I have had it before and I know I should be taking care. And of course my Iron level has to be watched out for as well. A healthy person makes a healthy mind and mood. HAHA!!

4. Laziness
What’s there to say about this? Yea, I’m plain lazy. And how can I change this?

5. Job
I know I want to try events, and I’m searching for a good company that can teach the wide array of events scopes. I don’t want to randomly jump into one. But I guess now I have to. Making a sudden decision to hand in my letters is really a daring test and move.

6. Trust and Judgment
These cannot be learnt within a day but through experience and I don’t have perhaps yes very minimal but I am not that smarty to judge a person, always taking it the hard way. Teach me how to learn this. I know he taught me start by observing that person moves and words they use is relatively first step to know that person. But well, I have to still learn them it’s just a world that I have to adapt to.

7. Stubbornness that refuses to listen to anything
I’m trying to be a smart aleck here thinking I know what I’m doing. Yea, that’s the stubborn me. But I felt that I’m not that stubborn anymore to refuse to listen, but perhaps there’s still some stuff that I’m still stubborn about. Have to watch it and identify these stubbornness out and change before I can freeze them again.

I’m very sure there’s more to the list, but that’s so much for my little brain to take at this moment. There’s so much about me to change, then to be freeze and this shows what a lousy girl I am, and he really deserve someone else. Someday when things in me became right, someone else will then come along.

I’m becoming HIM, let it be. Let destiny and fate do their work.

“Faith is to believe what you do not see, the reward for this faith is to see what you believe.”

And now my faith is to believe those are the changes I must achieve and can, and then someone will come along holding me again after meeting whatever bumps along moving on.

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My goals initially was HIM, that’s what I thought is best for me. And what I want?

I want…
Want to settle down young and have a family I call my own.
Want nice in-laws that I can speak to and communicate well with.
Want someone to share the homely wants with me.
Want to find a job and learn the ropes in something at least not random.
Want someone who is willingly giving me his hand pulling me up accepting me for me and watch me change.
Want a simple wedding but loving, caring and homely husband.
Want someone who is willing to open up to me about anything and everything and I can too.
Want someone who doesn’t mind me being stupid, and leading a decent fair kind of life together.
Want someone to explore everything and anything with me, bringing me as promised.

I guess I’m a very simple girl that just wants a simple kind of life being with someone. And I guess whatever said above is just too brief to be mentioned. Anything is possible.

Right now, at this very moment taking one step at a time is best for simple girl like me. And HIM, is not in my consideration anymore. First of all, time to leave all these behind me.

Hai Wei Ming - Ni De Chen Nuo

2008-09-07T18:44:00.002+08:00

2008-09-02T18:12:00.002+08:00

When i have already kept all your stuff, deleted all our photos and memories, removed every plushie and stuff on my bed, kept every single movie ticket studs, changed your name on my HP and did almost everything to erase every single thing that will remind me of you.

You came back again and messing with my head. I've no idea why you have to do this to me everytime when i'm ready to move on, ready to begin my new life, you are always back messing with my head.

It is absolutely unbelievable that you are with another girl, yet you are asking me back. Why not tell me when u have ended that relationship with her and not having like a bay behind waiting for you if anything fails here you still have a shelter behind waiting for you.

How much more you want to hurt me? Hurt others? I really really wonder if whatever you said is really from the bottom of your heart or was it just words of mind game to confused me even further. Its really nice to hear from you, but i dont know... i'm totally lost at confused at this point of time.

Risk is indeed a big word, but when i spoke about risk in my previous entries, it does not involved you in the risk that i'm gonna take. Now i'm beginning to wonder again, if this gigantic word - RISK, is what me - this small little girl can deal with.

Once again, I'm not you i won't know what's in your mind and similiarly, you are not me, you won't know what's in my mind.

2008-08-31T15:16:00.004+08:00

甜甜的感觉，但是心情和情绪都有一点奇怪。

It has only been a week but the sweetness is good, the attention given and concern given is really fabulous. I've never been feeling this way for a very long time in years that so many is caring about me, showing me such attentive attitude. I've given up all these for one and lucky enough i'm having them back again.

He wanted me to move on and find someone else, and i will do it... I will stand strong and be one. Anyone along the road has to accept me for who I am now, else its really hard. Don't try to stop me or change me, i will bite. Anger hidden behind the sweet face of mine.

Not sure if i've found that one, but whatever it is, life is all about risk and i'm gonna take the risk as it comes by. Risk! take me one! muahahahaha... Whatever offer comes ard nxt i'm gonna go for it! i'm gonna challenge and make it work. Its a must and its a life change moment for me...

我开始习惯有现在在我身边的这个你呵护我，关心我了。小心翼翼的漫漫培养我们之间的默契，和关系。珍惜每一分每一秒的贴心，爱戴。 =）

2008-08-29T10:23:00.005+08:00

I'm over the clouds today... infact is yesterday, Thursday... But i'm still excited and happy about it! Will be taking tonnes and tonnes of pics with 2 4GB memory card!

I bought my 3rd Love - Sony T300 !! (Memory flash back: 2nd Love - Lavender PSP and 1st Love - Samsumg i600 HP)

I bought it over at Comex, though i should wait since its only the first day, but i thought since i wanted it so much, i should just get it and whatever the deal is few days later, i dont have to care =D perhaps its because of that cute promoter, i think he gave me his number on the receipt but another guy that was serving me at the collection counter didn't put it into my carrier, so sad... that promoter is really cute.. *chuckles*

I met a new him today, and he's really nice =) I dont know what else to say to describe but the feeling ard him is good... So I think I should just give it a shot... risk is what life is all about! =)

yet to play around with my camera since i have to charge the batts for 8 hrs.. tonnes of photos to be coming up!! HURRAY!!!

I AM SO EXCITED AND HAPPY!!!

2008-08-25T02:12:00.002+08:00

First wk past without liquor.. A good start..

tried a couple of company for job vacancy but no results.. Most not hiring at the moment because year end many are waiting for their bonus... Have to continue to find again..

Feeling rather broke but luckily pay day coming soon.. after dividing my pay up to the neccessities and many others, next few mths i will still be really broke and tight on my pocket..

When will the money starts to grow... when can i see the increase in value... only time can tell..

Time will tell everything..

Time for bed.. nights all! miss me =D

2008-08-22T15:07:00.003+08:00

Human is the world strangest, weirdest creature on Earth.

For one moment, you could love someone, be friend with someone, so close to someone for years, even hate someone. But the very next moment you can turn your head on someone.

I guess i just became one of them, for one moment i would want to have him back, do anything to make this happen. And the very next, i guess time to walk, standing is tired. So friends, stand by me while i try to move on, be it the good or the bad way.

I don't feel anymore
I don't eat well anymore
I can't hold my liquor anymore
I don't know what i'm doing anymore
I don't know how to protect myself from others
I don't know myself anymore
I don't sleep well anymore
I don't tear anymore
I don't see what lies in future for me anymore, just leaving the day as it is...

Take care my dearest, that place will always have u.

2008-08-20T14:38:00.003+08:00

爱的感觉，总是在一开始觉得很甜蜜，
总觉得多一个人陪、多一个人帮你分担，
你终於不再孤单了，至少有一个人想著你、恋著你，
不论做什么事情，
只要能一起，就是好的，
但是慢慢的，随著彼此的认识愈深，
你开始发现了对方的缺点，
於是问题一个接著一个发生，
你开始烦、累，甚至想要逃避，
有人说爱情就像在捡石头，
总想捡到一个适合自己的，
但是你又如何知道什么时候能够捡到呢？
*她适合你，那你又适合她吗?
其实，爱情就像磨石子一样，
或许刚捡到的时候，你不是那么的满意，
但是记住人是有弹性的，
很多事情是可以改变的，
只要你有心、有勇气，
与其到处去捡未知的石头，
还不如好好的将自己已经拥有的石头磨亮磨，你开始磨了吗？
很多人以为是因为感情淡了，
所以人才会变得懒惰。
错！
其实是人先被惰性征服，
所以感情才会变淡的。

*在某个聚餐的场合, 有人提议多吃点虾子对身体好，这时候有个中年男人忽然说「十年前，当我老婆还是我的女朋友的时候，她说要吃十只虾，我就剥二十只给她！现在，如果她要我帮她剥虾壳，开玩笑！我连帮她脱衣服都没兴趣了，还剥虾壳咧！

*听到了吗？明白了吗？
难怪越来越多人只想要谈一辈子的恋爱，却迟迟不肯走入婚姻。
因为，婚姻容易让人变得懒惰。
如果每个人都
懒得讲话、
懒得倾听、
懒得制造惊喜、
懒得温柔体贴，
那么夫妻或是情人之间，
又怎么会不渐行渐远渐无声呢？
所以请记住：
有活力的爱情，
是需要适度殷勤灌溉的，
谈恋爱，更是不可以偷懒的喔！

*有一对情侣，相约下班後去用餐、逛街，可是女孩因为公司会议而延误了，当她冒著雨赶到的时候已经迟到了30多分钟，他的男朋友很不高兴的说：你每次都这样，现在我甚么心情也没了，我以後再也不会等你了！刹那间，女孩终於决堤崩溃了，她心里在想：或许，他们再也没有未来了

*同样的在同一个地点，另一对情侣也面临同样的处境；女孩赶到的时候也迟到了半个钟头，他的男朋友说：我想你一定忙坏了吧！接著他为女孩拭去脸上的雨水，并且脱去外套盖在女孩身上，此刻，女孩流泪了, 但是流过她脸颊的泪却是温馨的。

你体会到了吗？
*其实爱、恨往往只是在我们的一念之间！

爱不仅要懂得宽容更要及时，很多事可能只是在於你心境的转变罢了！
懂了吗？
当有个人爱上你，而你也觉得他不错。
那并不代表你会选择他。
*我们总说：我要找一个你很爱很爱的人，才会谈恋爱。
但是当对方问你，怎样才算是很爱很爱的时候，
你可能无法回答他，因为你自己也不知道。

*没错，我们总是以为，我们会找到一个自己很爱很爱的人。
可是後来，当我们猛然回首，我们才会发觉自己曾经多么天真。
假如从来没有开始，你怎么知道自己会不会很爱很爱那个人呢？
其实，很爱很爱的感觉，是要在一起经历了许多事情之後才会发现的。
或许每个人都希望能够找到自己心目中百分之百的伴侣，
但是你有没有想过在你身边会不会早已经有人默默对你付出很久了，只是你没发觉而已呢？
所以，还是仔细看看身边的人吧！
他或许已经等你很久喽！

*当你爱一个人的时候，爱到八分绝对刚刚好。
所有的期待和希望都只有七八分；剩下两三分用来爱自己。
如果你还继续爱得更多，很可能会给对方沉重的压力，让彼此喘不过气来，完全丧失了爱情的乐趣。

*所以请记住，
喝酒不要超过六分醉，
吃饭不要超过七分饱，
爱一个人不要超过八分

*那天朋友问我：到底该怎么做才算是爱一个人呢？
我笑著跟他说：其实每个人的爱情观都不一样，说对了叫开导，但就怕说错反倒变成误导。那就糟糕了！

*如果你也正在为爱迷惘，或许下面这段话可以给你一些启示：
爱一个人，要了解，也要开解；
要道歉，也要道谢；
要认错，也要改错；
要体贴，也要体谅；
是接受，而不是忍受；
是宽容，而不是纵容；
是支持，而不是支配；
是慰问，而不是质问；
是倾诉，而不是控诉；
是难忘，而不是遗忘；
是彼此交流，而不是凡事交代；
是为对方默默祈求，
而不是向对方诸多要求；
可以浪漫，但不要浪费；
可以随时牵手，但不要随便分手。

2008-08-20T13:02:00.000+08:00

原谅我不够成熟，这么做只是让我假装开心一天过一天。从别人身上得到需要。

Leave me be if you dont want me. Don't come and mess with my head, If u want just say so, if you dont then don't sound like you want. Don't be selfish not allowing me to do what you can and is doing... Don't play me around like a toy or a fool...

I cannot take having to think u might want this, yet pushing me away... what are u afraid of? what are u scared of? Someone replacing you? U will always have that space there, someone else will get theirs if u want me to move on and when i move on.

You think i'll be so free to drink if i'm attached? You think i'll behanve like tt when i'm attached? You think I want to do this? You have moved on happy and you have someone there for you. I have none yet, I do what makes me happy to forget.

Please just stop messing with my head, i cannot take it any longer. I'm really breaking down. Don't say things like possible yet not possible. It's really torturing and hurt more then having random stranger around.

2008-08-18T18:26:00.002+08:00

before water boil, u let it simmer.
before u touch the hot pot, u have to let it cool...

Have i cool down that's why he came forward? or what was it? Human is selfish and doesn't want another to replace him or her, but is playing mind games the correct way to make someone not move on yet sounding like you are giving them hope that one day paths will cross again? Could it just be me making the wrong interpretation?

I dont know what exactly he wants, can he just tell me straight in my face? Move on and away or dont move on because u dont want anyone to replace u? Human is selfish i know i am too, i dont want u to move on, i dont want anyone to replace me. Does this help?

In terms of physical, i dont think i am that bad to attract anyone (yes even the sex-lookers).. In terms of behavior and relationship, noone knows exactly if we fits until we bring things to the next level. Some might prefer some might hate and leave. Still if you dont try you wont know. Is that what you want me to do?

I'm losing every single confidence i have already, just tell me what to do...

2008-08-17T04:47:00.003+08:00

"letting go is hard, but holding on is even harder..."

I've been turning to liquor for a peace of mind and comfort sleep. I've been hoping to hear from you. I've been holding on and i dont get any response and i dont hear from you. I'm beginning to wear out. Should I let go and move on with another one? I refused to see anyone but go out as friends, all because i'm still holding on... But as much as I'm holding on and changing, did he really feel it and saw it? I've tried making my moves, but I dont get any from him... What could be happening? What will be happening? I realise some changes and felt some, and though the pictures are not clear and there's no confirmation to it, I dont want to think about it. I will let it all go if he comes back...

Dear friends, I'm fine and i'm still alive... I'm seeing things in a bigger picture now and i know i'm changing... I won't neglect any of you even if I have someone in my life, you guys will always be there as the pillar of my life...

As of current, my life revolves around - work, finding new job opportunity, meeting and making more friends, reflecting, hoping and waiting for a chance to make things right...

At this point of time, I need all of your understanding and dont judge me for what I did recently. I felt really bad and disgusted about myself too... I won't say I won't share. I know i have to stop behaving like this and soon... I will... I will stand strong. I'm slowly feeling that I'm holding on to just a dream but nothing real, certain is happening and there's nothing i can do to stop, there's nothing i can do to turn things round...

Shalon will only stop trying till I have the truth and confirmation answer. I know it will hurt more then ever after knowing the answer but this answer is the only thing that will stop me from holding on... Until i know the answer, I will be still holding on to us...

I know all of you wish the best for me, and the best for me is - Him.

2008-08-16T17:13:00.003+08:00

She

"She was a woman who made mistake, who sometimes cried on random journey or at night alone in bed. She was a woman who often became bored of her life and found it hard to get up for work in the morning. She was a woman who more often than not had a bad hair day, who looked in the mirror and dont feel good about herself, she was a woman who sometimes questioned what reason had she to live on this planet. She was a woman who sometimes just got things wrong."

And this woman is me. More often then sometimes but always got things wrong...

2008-08-16T14:38:00.002+08:00

Think and Miss

Whats the difference between thinking of someone and missing someone?

I've learnt that, missing someone is when you are doing anything and everything that someone will always be at the back of your head. You will be wondering "how is he?" "What is he doing now?" "Has he taken his meals?" etc... Every minutes every second he will be just there and you will be missing him. You want this person to be here with you, you want to see them, hold them and want to spend time with them. That's when you misses someone. You feel the lack and lost of someone beside you

Thinking defines as just thought of that person, to some extent of reasoning, remembering experiences, making rational decisions... U just remember things, and solution to solve things..

I did, from missing to thinking and to missing... I listen and reason out all possible mistake that I made, wanting to make it up and make this better. But what is the correct way of reaching someone who has distant himself so far? What's the fastest way to reach you?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Elaine shared something with me today:

why didst thou promise such a beauteous day,
and make me travel forth without my cloak,
to let base clouds o'ertake me in my way,
hiding thy bravery in their rotten smoke?

this is love, false promises that we can't stop believing.

but some promises are silently condoned, and undiscovered till there's an enormous impact: practicality

And yes, because we are in love... we choose to believe and i believe you will be back to me very soon...

2008-08-11T19:15:00.001+08:00

I'm in love with this song recently... Hope U like it too... I'm gonna learn this song and sing it if by any chance we get to go KTV again...

郭静 - 知道

她让你憔悴许多
她让你不知所措
她一举一动你不停的对我说
我微笑倾听你说
我却越听越心痛
怎么你说的不是我
她比我多了什么
让你愿意耐心等候
我想知道她让你痴心是什么
我想知道她让你疯狂为什么
我知道做的和她没有不同
但是我却不在你心中逗留
我想知道她哪里比我好很多
在你心中她和我有什么不同
我知道我比她付出的还多
可是我总换不了你的心动
你让我憔悴很多
你让我不知所措
你一句一动我的心被牵着走
她不经意的走过
你就把我给冷落
嫉妒把我给吞没
她比我多了什么
让你愿意耐心等候
我想知道她让你痴心是什么
我想知道她让你疯狂为什么
我知道做的和她没有不同
但是我却不在你心中逗留
我想知道她哪里比我好很多
在你心中她和我有什么不同
我知道我比她付出的还多
可是我总换不了你的心动
我知道了她哪里比我好很多
在你心中我永远不可能会让你心动
我知道我比她付出的还多
可是我在你心中没有她多

2008-08-11T15:00:00.005+08:00

I'm moving forward, towards a better me, a grown girl who has slightly more confidence about myself, someone who changes to believe and see things in a clearer pics, things that has always been there, is/are there but i failed to see the truth and failed to understand the real meaning of it.. One thing for sure i see this all because of him, i was blinded like a fool, i was naive and childish thinking... Now i finally see it... though its too late now but i believe "You can't fail if you dont give up." , i just hope he hasn't give up and moved on as well...

Thanks to all the dears who has been so nice around me despite of the tantrum and spouting nonsense after drunk, u guys are always there.. I made all of you worried but rest assure i will catch up with the right mind very soon.. I'm trying to catch up with him, people around me and most importanyly catching up with myself. I need closure, i need a talk with him... someday when he sees my changes...

Many things happened these few days, its really shocking (at least to me it is) but its not something to be mentioned.. Didn't see it coming, didn't expect it coming, but whatever has happened happens, nothing i can do about it.. I just hope to turn back the situation and undone what's done, i know i can't do that either. I dont know what else i can do now... But then again, what i hear is might not be the truth until it has been verified, confirmed and mentioned, or even till i see it for myself...

Whatever it is... I have to focus in changing myself to make sure those changes that he wants to see is met, seen and felt by him...

Some random pics at MOS...

Misses...

2008-08-10T15:27:00.006+08:00

The Bottom Line
You'll be moving at an unconscious speed today, and will zip past everyone else.

In Detail
You'll be moving, unconsciously, at high speed, today -- probably much faster than everyone around you. The reason behind this acceleration might not be clear to you, but it has something to do with a recent conflict you've had with someone close. Could it be that you are trying to run away from the issue? To make sure, get in contact with this person and get closure on things. You need to clear your mind so that you can get a more accurate idea of the pace at which you're living your life.

Am i moving really too fast? or i just force myself to catch up with him? I need closure... i need to speak to him for closure...

2008-08-09T14:33:00.021+08:00

Last night, Amanda dated me to get high and wasted, but as i got other plans i went over to meet her pretty late and she was already half dead. So she wants me to drop as well with her. She ordered a couple of drinks and we bottoms up. Not long after we bottoms up she ran to the toilet and puke for almost half an hour...

through these period, i didn't blame her, i didn't scold her, i didn't feel tired taking care of her, except enlighten from it. I dont know how, but it just suddenly hit me so hard that i never realise such before...

as she was puking in the cubicle, i paused for a moment and realise, its nice to have fun with my gfs or friends once in awhile and having someone there watching over me, how great it will be. I could have my fun, while he gets his with his friends, and after that we can share each other experience talking about it. Or perhaps at that point when amanda is hugging the toilet bowl i could call him and tell him about it, share with him...

Both of us will know each other is good, missing each other, and constantly wanting to share things with each other...

Why do i only understand and see things only now, though i realised and see it, but there's no way i can show it. Because when i realise, i took out my HP wanting to msg him, at that moment i came back to reality, he's no longer a call away for me, but someone else... Now that i know, he's already not here to share these things that i've learnt...

2008-08-08T14:09:00.010+08:00

Never knew i could receive so much compliment with that smile on my face...

I always thought and felt totally inferior to many pretty girls along the streets, but what makes a person pretty its the person itself many would say, not the face, but how they bring themselves out. Pretty looks is only the face that shows and will fade when old.

I always thought he said i was pretty when i smile and call me gorgeous was his way of encouragement for me, not to feel inferior about myself. But i guess those were really his words deep from his heart... I never had so much believe for him, not even believing in myself that i actually dont look that bad.

But cld these people just have ulterior motives for complimenting someone? What do they gain? They gain nothing, but a new gorgeous friends and making someone day... like how they made mine, even it was just simple comments like,"smile more, dont hide that nice dimples of urs" or just "u look pretty, smile more otherwise u look hostile".

Why do i have to only understand things and socialise when i've lost something, and why do i have to always be around that special him and not allowing others to compliment me and be in my circles of friends and to be in his? I know i like to spend them with my love ones dearly and i wished for the same, but in life, there's many others bits and pieces that form a life - Love ones, family, friends, work, colleagues, a family u call ur own. I overlooked on these and focus too much on love ones and families, that i forgot that i actually have friends who always have been on a look out for me, they are always there for me irregardless of anything, i passed by many chances where people out there are trying to be my friends but i never even take a second look. I neglected work, my career and failed to understand my colleagues and i missed out the opportunity to prove my ability and my capability to climb the ladder.

And most importantly, i focus too much on keeping and wanting my love ones with me, that i subconsciously suffocated and pushed him too far. And now i lost a family that i pictured and could call my own. All because my failure to understand what makes up life and my failure to understand what or how he really felt.

Why do people want to live in regrets? Though they could have done things previously but failed too, regrets can still be diminished from the situation if chances given the person with determination to work things out? There will only be regrets if the person is never given the chance to prove herself. How would you know if the regrets will still be there if a determined person is not given a chance to do it?

More often people live in regrets in life, but i dont want to. I'm determined to work things back from scratch melting debris and building it back... A second chance is all i need from him...

Since friendster horoscope said today is a good day for decision making, and this is the decision i've made.. To do it and work things out with him..

2008-08-06T15:39:00.003+08:00

This is the key to my heart...

I'm wearing this necklace with this key and a crown, so my colleague was curious and ask me "Shalon, does this key opens anything?", I smile and said, "this is the key to my heart." Everyone started laughing and say i'm so corny and i thought so too... haha.. And so this shall be the key to my heart, and i hope to pass it to you someday soon... If fate allows...

Works been fine, i'm picking up alittle more stuff to do and prepare for the next game. At the same time i'm currently waiting for 2 companies to get back to me... and i'm gonna send another one to Sentosa for a try out next week if they still dont respond... This is the nxt change for him... I know i can do it... just hope he believes in me too...

2008-08-05T17:08:00.003+08:00

What's love? That's so true.. when i see him i took him for granted and demand for every single pampering i can get but when i dont see him i missed him and treasure him and hope he's here with me...

What exactly is love?

2008-08-05T05:02:00.006+08:00

Read these sometime back from elaine's blog and now at this point of time i began to think about mine...

1. Is love supposed to be defined?

So when u ask a question of which, what do you like about me? Is ‘everything yet don’t exactly know’ an answer that should be left there like this? Or should everything be slowly broken down into fragments which can be slowly defined as, and questioned futher?

How can u love someone so vigorously deep yet be so bitter afterwards? Is the complexity of human emotions getting too much for us to even bear the simplest form of loving - understanding?

Changes, although constant, shouldn’t be so vast and instantaneous. Gradual changes are the most unorthodox yet orthodox way of telling someone ‘i’m changing and you are adapting to my change you don’t even realise it until a few years later’.

Little tiny details are left out so very often that when you try looking deeper into these little ones, you’d get agitated out of no reason. How else should we keep our satisfactions, satisfied? We are very very dissatisfied when love goes mundane, or even, things are turning the way you want the outcomes to be.

How is love that’s appropriately spoken for clearly, can yet be so vague?

i wonder, is love actually existent or are we making up how love should be? How it should fall in place neatly, without threats? Are we the ones making definition ambiguous?

And, why are we constantly fighting ourselves to calm the insecurities?!

2. Pathways
Where we make new beginnings with a brand new milestone; always, we will reach upon a road that splits into multiple. We have to choose wisely, without impulse. If you then find yourself reaching closer to the milestones, it really means you’ve chosen the right road of division; you are wise.

For me, though I have chosen a different path to walk, I’m lucky enough to be once again welcomed by a familiar yet new pathway. It’s not always that we get lucky and we’ll cross-paths with each other. Like I said, I was lucky enough… Now I walk the road with utmost certainty that I chose the right and best pathway.

So familiar yet different, and refreshing. It’s an old relationship, with a brand new chemistry. Yet, still the love of my life.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

For me things were so much different at this point of time. We used to walk the same pathway towards our common milestone, but now we will both be taking the different pathway instead. He has already choose his way and moved on, while i'm still quite stuck at the junction looking at the multiple splitway thinking which way to walk or shld i just stand here...

I might not be as lucky to cross-paths with him, but what fate has to bring i hope is something unexpected. Most of the time we have to move on and determine what has in plan for us right? Though i pretty much hope to stay rooted for him to make a detour but what's the chances? perhaps he's right, we should move on and if one day our paths meet and who knows we'll be taking the same pathway again and hopefully towards the common direction together...

I sincerely can only hope for the best...

And now i began to question myself before i move on..

how did we end up this bad?
do i really know you?
do u really know me?
do i really need you to guide me?
do i really know what to do without you?
do i really know the people around me?
do i really know who to trust?
do i really know what i'm thinking and doing?
do i really know if i've really changed?
do i really have a right mind?
do i really have to do this?

can i really accept the fact that everything is over and the fact that i'm still struggling onto something that is no longer there and living in denial. Its a start for you, its an end for me. can i really handle these changes in my life? can i really deal with it?

I do hope our paths will meet really soon... I dare not asked for shortcut i dare not do anything for instant just hope and pray...

2008-08-05T00:37:00.007+08:00

It hurts to much to see him so happy... when will this pain ever go away?

2008-08-04T22:59:00.003+08:00

Alone...

Useless therapy...

credit to stickgal

2008-08-04T01:26:00.002+08:00

I'm so exhausted... This event is making me tired and worn out!

Legs aching body aching... ahh... I need a good massage!! anyone?

I'm still awake but not kicking because my job is only complete after i send the Japan guest into the departure gate..! I have to reach the hotel by 530am and yea.. i'm staying awake till then... pray i dont fall aslp half way!

too tired to say anything now...

Everyone slp well and rest well.

2008-07-30T17:15:00.004+08:00

The Bottom Line
Deal with a relationship issue early on today -- it will end up being easy to fix.

In Detail
Today you will need to deal with a relationship issue as early as you can -- but luckily, it will end up being pretty much a non-issue as soon as you two start talking. You are both good at communicating what you need, and even better at listening to what the other person has to say. Together, you can come up with the solution in no time -- and be able to start having fun much sooner than you had hoped! The best plan is a low-key one. A nice early dinner and lots of talk is the perfect idea.

When can we deal with this relationship issue and make us work? find solution in no time?

2008-07-28T23:10:00.010+08:00

Went sentosa with tricia today and got myself burnt due to excessively long hour under the sun (NOTE: I get tanned and chao ta easily due to i dont know maybe cuz my family are all tan and i am really chao ta now...)

Though i wanted to wear my bikini to the beach with him but i dont know if i will ever have a chance... white bikini gets dirty easily.. i'm so heartache to see it a little dirty... Gonna go get another set of bikini and keep this current set as memories...

Sun brings/make you happy? tricia said that and yea.. that's her logic. Cam whoring while she's chatting with a friend.

Beautiful sunset as we were about to leave the place.. love this ;)

Gonna head back to work tomorrow, kinda feeling lazy due to long weekend and been home too long feeling emo and sad and tears and pain and suffering...

Hai... There's nothing hurt more than misses. Dont know why being back home feel so emo and low morale, memories i guess...

Time for bed... ciao...

Hmm.. Would you like to go for movie some time this week? Dinner?

2008-07-28T02:07:00.001+08:00

Someone send me this song if you have...

Banky - My Regret

It’s too late now still I’ve got something to say
Girl I’m sorry that I treated you that way
Time has gone now and the moment has passed
When I had the chance to try and make us last
All alone now and it’s no ones fault but mine
Couldn’t see the truth I had them blinded eyes
You got moved on still I don’t give a damn
Gotta get this off my chest while I can

Every single hour of every single day
I miss you more and a more
And I don't know what to say
I knew I closed the door
Your gone and on your way
But now, I need you, I need you

[Chorus] [2x]
Wanna take it back to the day when we first met
If I could I’d start all over again
Our love is my regret

Should have known then what I know now
Dying every second that your not around
Should have been there
When you needed me babe
Now i'm by myself on my bended knee
Should have loved you
While I had the chance to
Couldn't realize that you were the truth
Should have showed you
What you meant to me
Baby now I see that you are my queen

Every single hour of every single day
I miss you more and a more
And I don't know what to say
I knew I closed the door
I've sent you on your way
And now your gone, gone, gone-
Can we take it back babe?

[Chorus] [Repeat]
Wanna take it back to the day when we first met
If I could I’d start all over again
Our love is my regret

2008-07-26T15:11:00.005+08:00

As I recently grown addiction for... friendster horoscope. Here is what it reads for me...

The Bottom Line
You need a few new dreams! Stop worrying about whether you will fall short or fail.

In Detail
You need a few new dreams! Today, you should switch mental gears and start spending more energy thinking about, well, positive thinking. Visualize the brightest future you can possibly imagine -- the job you want, the person you want, and the life you want! And don't you dare waste time worrying about whether you will fall short or fail. It's important to keep your focus on the bright side. News is coming near the end of the day that might come as a pleasant shock.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Daring enough, I sent my resume over to a PR firm which I am rather pretty clueless about what's the challenges that i will face ahead of me.. But yup, I'm just going go for it to start what I see myself to be, or grow to be. But i have to face the fact that I've nothing more to learn in current position. People is changing, the 2 headed person always gets the lead to all. Learn to me one to survive I guess? Well, i hope to receive a response from them soon, and PRAY hard that i dont fail the interview, because i'm a sucker in interview. Anyone has any idea about PR? share a thing with me, prep me up!

Though it was an empty night yesterday and a lonely walk to where I love to be when I'm alone, at least i know there's a place that will always be there for me... That's my favourite hide out, i really mean hide. Sometimes i really hope u will be there to find me, a hug, a smile will do the trick.

It aches more since last night... I just wonder why....

2008-07-24T10:13:00.003+08:00

Someone at work treat me to this candy.. its a Starburst squirts aka crazy babies gummy. There's some liquid inside the candy and it taste sourish.. the gummy is in a shape of babies... eeekk... so scary at first, but its taste good... haha.. Thanks for the sweet!

Lastly, myself... just for show ^^

Tomorrow i'm on OFF.. anybody wanna date me out? i'm broke though so if u gonna ask me out u have to pay my expenses ok? LOL.. just joking.. just DATE ME!! Life has been as boring as ever...

Anyway..anyone has really good online shopping website to intro? Make sure they deliver decent clothings and not rejected goods. I received one of my purchase yesterday from http://al-joyous.com/index.php the clothings turn out to be so different from the images, colour different is ok i understand it might be lighting effect, but the others is CMI. Worst of all, they claim "We do not entertain exchanges of any sort as we checked through the clothing carefully before sending them out."

I bought 1 dress and the sewing is totally ridiculous, there's holes at the collar button area, and the sewing is really horrible, the thread is all over the place. I can do better. And there's another Top, there's stains and dirty at the underarm area, so did they really check or did they just bull.. I didn't have the images but i'm gonna capture and post it again.. They better be doing refund or at least exchange for it!

Hope other online purchase clothings is of decent tailor work!

I have a dream!

2008-07-21T17:16:00.006+08:00

I'm gonna start jumping and stretching and hopefully i can grow taller. All for that dream! I'm serious, i really am! diet and fitness here I come!

Tricia's away this weekend, can't go shop around and slack with her this weekend, alternatives to be explored!

Dad finally bought his SLR camera and ofcourse my younger brother is in joy with new toy as well, i got nothing! I keep hinting for a simple digit camera to no avail... sadded.. I shall save for 1 myself! Get a sense of satisfaction of getting my own trophy... No camera no pics taken, sadd... i can't wait to get my hands on one!

Everyday has been pretty normal and simple for me, but still i'm enjoying it more then ever. I've got no idea why but I feels happier... I believe he is too and happy tt i am as well... Elaine is finally back from Japan, get to meet her again soon!

On a side note, i'm broke once again... when will i be able to save? sob sob sob...

2008-07-17T10:57:00.004+08:00

Ouch.

I survived the pain of hair removal, it hurts this time i just wonder why? Was it because I havent been removing them or was it because of the pain in me?

Ouch Ouch..

I survived through days of loneliness at home and finishing up a book, now i'm in search of new book to read on. I'm also considering of buying a Longman dictionary and start digging into it. To improve on my language of course. I feel like i'm the most stupid girl on Earth ever. With this Lonely time alone in my room I guess books will be my best company. Any nice books to recommend?

Ouch Ouch Ouch...

I manage to past 1 day without messaging him, though on many occassions I took out my phone and start inserting recipent and end up my phone is back in my bag. Partially because I fear rejection, fear there will be no response, fear of saying the wrong thing, most importantly fear of not knowing what to say.

Ouch Ouch Ouch Ouch....

I'm really interested in getting Louis Vuitton Noe (size to be confirmed) or maybe a Salina GM - Cruise Collection 08 Monogram Rubis. But this is gonna burn my pay and i'm gonna go on Bread and butter for a few months. Though i yearn for it but i'm also considering the fact for feasibility and since i'm not a branded person, is this neccessary? Not sure if this is gonna be perfect for any outfit and occassions either. A bag and bread and butter for months or just satisfaction?

Ouch Ouch Ouch Ouch Ouch.....

Got a call from this Advertising company Exotic Asia, saying that i have been choosen for dont know what, wants me to go down to their travel fair and stuff and i will get,

1. $1000 Shopping voucher (can buy anything like cash)
2. 1 for 1 cruise voucher
3. 1 week Thailand Stay for 5 pax

Sounds tempting no obligation? How on Earth would this be possible? But the Shopping voucher and cruise really tempt me lots because i'm planning for a cruise trip initially. To believe or not? To go or not?

Ouch! it hurts... Meanwhile with the pain i'm trying to catch up with myself to find out about myself, what do i like, favorite colour, flowers, etc... I dont even know myself, do you know anything about me? Maybe being an observer, you can tell me what i like.. =)

Fetish? Hobbies?

2008-07-16T12:54:00.004+08:00

I'm beginning to think that i really have a fetish and hobbies about uniforms and badges and stuff like that...

I'm so excited when i see this badge! Thailand staff has brought them over. Its a Sudden Attack badge premium, LOVE IT compared to other premiums!!

And to think of it i really love my jacket from penang, considered a gift from him the other time... If by any chances i'll add the pics someday.. It has air force badge, looks interesting to me. And i always collect badges from any occassions, like those army road shows they give away those pin badge, i collect those too.. LOL!!

I'm gonna propose vest/jacket, pin on badges, velcro name tag/rank, those nafa kinda badges anything that will make me excited! LOL!!

No wonder i love it when i see him in uniform =X

2008-07-16T12:20:00.003+08:00

I'm addicted to Friendster horoscope recently, though some are just nonsense but some did really taught me a thing or two...

Todays reading...

The Bottom Line
Be patient and natural. Let people come to you, today -- at the speed they want.

In Detail
It's wonderful that you want to connect with a certain someone so badly, but are you trying too hard? Step back today. Retreat from your charm offensive. You're not normally this aggressive, so why send this person an inaccurate message about who you are? You will have to be patient and natural. Let them come to in the way they want -- and, most importantly, at the speed they want. Waiting won't be fun, but your reward will be sweet, and it will be genuine.

Now imma take a step back, no matter how much i wanted it takes 2 to clap. If it's meant to be it will be...

2008-07-15T17:11:00.005+08:00

Elaine is back for Holiday!! Miss her lotss... Sorry dar kinda spoilt that days' mood but hope you enjoyed yourself =)

I miss my darling Tricia as well! LOL.. it was a fun night with her meeting some of her friends, pretty random cause she met many other friends there and just briefly introduced me to them... Nice peeps =) Hope to see them soon again.. haha !

2008-07-10T15:14:00.002+08:00

OMG... Friendster Horoscope says..

The Bottom Line
Unless you truly talk out a problem, it will never go away. Honesty is liberating.

In Detail
Today, making a fresh start seems like the right way to solve a relationship issue, but it might not be. Unless you truly talk out what has been causing strife between you and this other person, nothing will really change. Even if the two of you agree to disagree, this issue will linger -- and rear its ugly head again. It might take years, but it will come up again. Make sure that in starting over, you two are putting an end to whatever created the tension.

The question is.. How true is this?

2008-07-09T16:45:00.003+08:00

A Bike ride home was indeed something new that I havent tried, feeling rather scared and excited at the same time. Its not that I can get a ride on Bike everytime! Excited i am i hop on the bike and there i am off home from town. Scary it felt as though i'm falling off anytime, but the breeze and view is really something different. Now that i tried a ride home on Bike i think i prefer to be in a car. It feels safer, cleaner, and we can chat freely in the car. HAHA! But well, once in a while a ride would be fun! HEE!!

A reminder from NUH for my appointment on Friday, maybe i shld ask for gastroscopy and the andoscopy, so i can take 1 day MC! crap. But then again, only my parents will be there for me. I havent got my blood test done anyway, i should go get them done soon otherwise I will be bore to death waiting for my turn to see that doctor.

I wanna take the flyers ride someday, when are you taking me on one? I'm gonna take pics of the construction cranes ard and surrounding now and compare it when everything has been built up! The Before and After Singapore IR! =D So i wanna take the Flyers Twice!

2008-07-08T14:12:00.007+08:00

"Faith is to believe what you do not yet see; the reward for this faith is to see what you believe."

I only know how to read and agree to these but when will i be able to really put to practise?

2008-07-08T11:03:00.008+08:00

Monday blues... woke up extremely late and caught a cab to work, but nice surprise, i got a box of korean snacks from my game developer. LOL! Yummy chocolate snacks to boost endorphines.

Want some? distributed all to my colleagues leaving myself with a pack of each..! i'm still a greedy girl. HAHA...

What on earth i feel so happy when I have the World crumbling down on me? Took the opportunity to tag along and bring the Japan developers around, and my foot sore like mad, walk for hrs and hrs visiting places, last stop boat quay walk along the river side and then back to the MRT home, i swear my feet is so sore and i cldnt walk any further. Wearing heels for walking long distance is no longer my forte. but practise shld make perfect. More heels to add into my cabinet.

Working now practically leaves me feeling bored here. working on my CV but i just cldn't seem to find the right word and things to write in. i'm such a jack of no trade.

No HK pics to show anymore... not with me... maybe if one fine day i have it them show u some. =)

Back to working on CV... Have a good day especially U.

PS. anyone wanna catch Get Smart, Hancock and Wanted with me? i've got noone now... Get Smart screening is gonna end real soon. Will U catch these shows with me?

2008-07-06T23:15:00.000+08:00

I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good.

2008-07-03T17:33:00.003+08:00

I'm back from HongKong. Overall.. not so bad other then some unpleasant experience here and there. But i dont think i will travel with them ever again...

updates photos and other stuff again another time... i've got stuff to unpack and clean =D

miss ya all!!

2008-06-24T12:44:00.005+08:00

Ok.. I'm officially bored at work not knowing what to do or I have nothing to do at the moment. Well, yes yes I should take some initiative to do some work, and ya I have been reading up on the new game that i'm going to handle, random ideas for marketing and premiums as well and Yes, I will be reading up very often and doing research work and start my preparation for the new game. But can I start doing so after my HK trip? Just in the nua and holiday mood preparing to enjoy HK with a empty pocket. Hmm... So when's my bonus coming? Well, so meanwhile just bored at work snapping random pics of my desk. Tried some shots but I look horribly fugly, i think i seriously need makeup, otherwise my dark eye bag and scars are really bad.

How's my desk? Kinda messy ya? Guess i should learn how to take mosiac pics better. zoom in too much! Keep background colour consistant? I'm gonna practise more next time.

Taken long ago... Eric with Ying Xuan, She's definately straight and will grow to like guys! She stick with him like glue despite first meeting. And she walk to him and sit on his lap! LOL...

Such a cutie and sweetie! Pretty!

Games time.. ciaoz ;)

2008-06-23T20:51:00.003+08:00

I have cravingssss... Someone curb my cravings..

I'm craving for...

Satay with lots of peanut gravy
Sambal KangKong
Beard Papa Chocolate Cream Puffs
Beard Papa Chocolate Eclaire
Old Chang Kee Curry Puff
Oyster Omelette
Ben and Jerry Ice Cream
BakerzInn Strawberry Shortcake
Cafe Cartel Lime Me Up drinks
...

That's for my craving and in the midst of drooling, i'm tearing as well. Its just yet another disappointment. I'm very disappointed and sad. Though it wasn't meant to be, but it just shucks! I could have asked someone else to watch the show with me.

2008-06-21T23:51:00.003+08:00

I wonder...

How much do all of you know about me?
What do all of you know about me?
What is your impression of me?

Tell me...

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A supposedly to be a nice weekend, but this weekend didn't turn up any fun at all. I was home on a Friday night, sorta work then went to have a haircut and home on a Saturday being home alone, and its gonna be a lonely home alone on Sunday as well.

What's life becoming for me, anything to turn this situation around?

Elaine - I can't wait for u to be in SG.
Nic - when the dinner u promise to buy me?
Chee wee - where's my shopping spree?
Amanda - When are we going to catch up again? This time have to be more of them!
Ben - where's my muffins?
Chris - where's my prata u owed me for more then 4 yrs!
Douglas - when will i ever get back my watch? Maybe i should just forget abt that, but new watch.
K404 - do all of u still remember me? when are we meeting again?
Mama/Emily - when are u all gonna chill again? LOL
lastly Eric - when are u takin me on a ferris ride? to pet farm? to find places for food? to malaysia? to roller blade? to drink and club?many many other things said..

Im getting tired.. Time for some rest.. night nights.

2008-06-20T18:24:00.002+08:00

Friday blues.

Ok its Friday and there's no programme lineup, how boring can my life be? Someone please start asking me out! I need friends, i need companion. I dont wanna be so lonely. I hate this feeling...

Anyone feeling the same way ss i do? lets be friends perhaps BFF!!

I hate that 4 wall i dont wanna face it yet again... !

2008-06-19T17:55:00.001+08:00

eeeksss !!

Mang Zhang and lost... What's happening behind my back, any eyes care to tell me?

2008-06-18T12:22:00.003+08:00

"Faith is to believe what you do not yet see; the reward for this faith is to see what you believe."

- Saint Augustine

"若不能舍掉已经拥有的，只好放掉想拥有的"

2008-06-17T10:21:00.010+08:00

random pics from the past 2 weeks chilling outing. I've got no idea what else to blog except work shucks! I'm looking for a switch right now. Also a way to get to know more peeps so i wont feel so lonely...

Ask me out anytime for anything ^^ Entertain me ;)

Kaisa and Annie Farewell Dinner,

Some of us went for a drink after dinner, had a cpl of games and a drunk man was born!!!Check out the drunk man who lost many game =D

Cheers to Mission Accomplish! And here's a lovey dovey pic of us. Thanks for making the effort to take pic with me. =)

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We just loving making Lance drunk again, again and again !! More shoots coming your way! So we went for another drink that following week, but failed attempt. He became luckier after his trip to toilet!!! Next drinking session coming again after your reservist and after my HK trip. We will be back.

Cheers!

2008-06-13T16:42:00.002+08:00

Friday, the 13th... Bad day!

First thing i came to work, my guy told me about saturday event being postponed to next Sunday, are we going to reimburse to players who can't make it? How on earth i know what to do when I got no freaking idea about what's going on? I was not informed about anything ok!! Hell...!!

Next, got called into a meeting because the main contact is not around, and i got alot of question that i couldn't answer them. WHY? All because that main did not update me about any single things when i'm suppose to be kept in the loop!! what the hell!!!

Worst of all, some players commented that they received the emailer for invitation when NOONE, i mean NO ONE sent it out at all, how on earth they recieve the invitation?

Everything is so freaking problematic and spoils my day. I'm already pathetic enough in my personal life, now comes the work stuff that is making my day worst..!! enough for me ok??

at least, they cheer me up. What's with the.. WOW, shalon become sexier these days! she's been keeping all the assets underneath the jackets and finally showing them! LOL!! *blush*

I've been so lonely.. someone date me out, ask me out, talk to me?

2008-06-06T09:54:00.002+08:00

Ohh.. i'm so flattered and over the top on early friday morning! Someone told me recently i have this special aura around me, like very different. And best of all, added in i became like more chio and happier lately...

I'm soooooo flattered, thanks sweets!

Now i'm gonna start reflecting what causes this aura? Because i've been dressing up more often? Because i'm gaining abit of weight and looks more chubby and healthier? Because i've cleared my pending work? Because... well, i dont know seriously what causes this aura to appear...

But ultimately i think its because i've been dressing up to work lately instead of the tees, jeans and slippers me and dragging my feet to work. That's why i dont look so sian and dull right?

LOL !! Such a nice friday ^^